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The Simpsons - Season 20 Episode 05
"Dangerous Curves"
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Bill and Marty here in
the middle of another
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Fourth of July weekend
Shock Jock Talk Block.
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All weekend long, we'll be counting down
the top 500 wacky sound effects of all time.
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And here is #499.
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Where were you when you first heard this?
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I'll tell you where I was. I was out eating...
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I think I had kung pao...
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and I ended up on the...
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I can't listen to this anymore.
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Nobody shuts out my blather!
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Homie, let's pick up those hitchhikers.
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They don't look like
the stabby kind.
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Mom, you said all hitchhikers
were drug-crazed thrill-seekers.
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I said they were thrill-crazed drug-seekers.
Don't put words in my mouth.
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Thanks for stopping.
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This is my girlfriend, Beatrice.
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Aw... young love.
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Were we ever that stupid?
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Of course we were.
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TWENTY YEARS EARLIER
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Marge, I thought of a new thing.
It's called "biking out."
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It's a combination of
biking and making out.
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I don't know.
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Come on. All the teens
on bikes are doing it.
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Howdy-do, strangers. Hop on in before
you become a couple runneth over.
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Ned, are you sure?
They're covered with mud.
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And in that mud, I'm planting
the seed of friendship.
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Name's Ned Flanders.
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As the elephant said to the peanut
vendor, toss those in my trunk.
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Marge, I love this guy.
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Put her there, muddy buddy.
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Oh, he rhymes! Oh, happy day.
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So, are you two engaged?
Engaged to be engaged?
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Well, we thought we'd
wait a little while.
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Really, not married?
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And you were bicycling two abreast?
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I wish. We were bicycling to a lake.
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Wordplay. Never cared for it.
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But it's never too soon for
you two to join the "I do" crew.
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Now, I'm not saying it's
all Jell-O with Cool Whip.
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She'll nag you. She'll try to change you.
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You'll be fighting the same basic
fight for years and years and years...
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Ned, don't you think you're
exaggerating just a bit?
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I think I'd like to finish my sentence.
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And years.
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Um, how longhave you two been married?
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Since 2:00 this afternoon.
Welcome to our honeymoon.
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Marge Bouvier, will you not marry me?
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Homer Simpson, I would be
delighted not to marry you.
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Then, I now pronounce us just dating.
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I love kissing you.
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I never want to knock it off.
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Knock it off! How dare you expose my children to your tender feelings.
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Bart, don't you dare take
your eyes off that GameBoy.
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Yes, sir.
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CEREAL KILLER
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Avast, you!
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I'm cuckoo for killing stuff!
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Video games: the reason this
generation of Americans is
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the best ever.
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GOING OUT OF BUSINESS
THANKS FOR NOTHING
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GRAND OPENING
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FIVE YEARS EARLIER
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I can't believe Homer
ruined another family picnic.
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Hey, everybody pees in the pool.
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Not from the diving board.
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Why did we have to have
these two jerks along?
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You're driving too fast.
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- You're losing your hair.
- You sneeze like a girl.
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Your neck looks like a sideways ass.
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That's it!
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Eat gravel, hags!
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Homer, that was rude and shortsighted.
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- Patty and Selma have the map.
- I have the situation under control.
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The compass needle is pointing east.
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That's the fuel gauge.
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How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?
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You haven't said you're sorry.
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I know, I was hoping
the number might be zero.
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Can we use your phone?
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Of course, it's just past the
sushi bar, behind the limbo pit,
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right in front of the blackjack table.
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And feel free to stay. We just put out the cheese.
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We have cubes of yellow, cubes of orange,
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and cubes of orange and yellow.
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A really fun party full of colored
cheeses and awesome stuff to do?
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Doesn't seem like your kind of thing, Marge.
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We'll stay for one
hand roll or two nigiri.
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Then, we have to get back to the kids.
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Oh, let my dad enjoy
them a little longer.
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Stop!
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- Stop!
- Where are the cookies?
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- I don't remember.
- Wrong answer.
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Oh, for me?
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No, get two of your own.
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You're a funny one.
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That's strong. Are you
trying to get me drunk?
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No, I'm trying to get me drunk.
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You know, my horoscope said I'd
meet the man of my dreams tonight.
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Well, a horoscope would never
lie to a pretty girl like you.
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You are adorable.
Are you alone?
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No, I'm talking to you
at this great party.
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Well, then, would you like to limbo?
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Limbo? You mean the dance or that
place where unbaptized babies go?
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Either way, I'm in.
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# Every limbo boy and girl #
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# All around the something world #
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# Gonna do the limbo rock #
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# Something something limbo something #
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# Limbo lower now #
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# How low can you go? #
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That's how low you can go!
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Why are you dancing with that strange woman?
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She's not strange. She's fun.
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And she doesn't get jealous
when I talk to other women.
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Well, then, she can
have you all to herself!
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How about a sushi fight?
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Sushi fight!!
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These fish died for nothing!
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Homer Simpson,
I wish I'd never met you.
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TONGUE-KISS POINT
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Thanks for the lift.
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What a cute couple.
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She's gonna take him for a lot of money.
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Here we are.
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A log cabin? What am I, Davy Crockett?
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- Also, who's Davy Crockett?
- Kids, this place has
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very special memories
for your mother and me.
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Well, leaving right now will
become a special memory for me.
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They have a pedal car.
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- Pedal cars suck.
- They're worse than walking.
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I'll put 100 bucks in your college fund.
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I'll take ten bucks now.
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I'll steal it back when you're sleeping.
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Well, when the sun goes down, it means God's
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gone to China to watch
over those good folks.
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Time for some shut-eye.
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Why, Flanders, you rogue.
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All Marge and I need are a queen-sized
bed and a king-sized "do not disturb" sign.
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Sorry, Homer, I'm afraid it's separate
accommodations for you notly-weds.
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What? But I have urges.
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That's just your trouser devil talking.
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He's not talking. He's yelling.
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Good night, Marge.
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Sweet dreams, my new best friend.
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Oh, what better way to
celebrate our wedding night
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than by keeping an
unmarried couple apart.
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Oh, Maude.
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Your dead grandmother's pajamas.
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You know what that does to me.
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I never thought I'd say
this, but... stupid Flanders.
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There's absolutely
nothing to worry about.
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I'm in my own room, being
chaperoned by an actual Christian.
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00:09:46,986 -- 00:09:49,379
Well, I just don't trust that Homer Simpson.
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He's that rare combination of up
to something and good for nothing.
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Good one. We should put that in the file.
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HOMER INSULTS
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Nice.
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Madame, perhaps I can
be of some assistance.
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00:10:21,891 -- 00:10:26,726
But I can't take a dress from a man
who looks so good and smells so clean.
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Please... when you came through the
door tonight, I instantly imagined you
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in a ruched burgundy bias-cut
evening gown with a wolverine hem
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and a contrasting
cerise tulle d?olletage.
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- Really, me? You did?
- Oh, yes, with a pair
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00:10:40,307 -- 00:10:42,965
of saffron brocade diamond mink pumps.
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Pumps are shoes.
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00:10:46,952 -- 00:10:48,596
That explains a lot.
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Marjorie, you look beautiful.
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Let me take you for a ride.
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Or, should I say, "glide"?
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I'm just happy you're talking again.
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00:11:01,988 -- 00:11:04,791
You didn't say a word for 45 minutes.
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Marge?
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You don't need her, baby.
Sylvia's got everything you want.
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00:11:17,737 -- 00:11:21,488
- Do you have a pineapple pizza?
- Pineapple and pepperoni.
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00:11:21,523 -- 00:11:23,547
Oh. This is all going so fast.
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We should be getting back to the party.
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00:11:27,938 -- 00:11:32,376
Marjorie, that party was beneath a woman of your elegance and sophistication.
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You... Oh, look, a budget motel!
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00:11:40,137 -- 00:11:43,627
I see the word vacancy is lit, and the word no is not.
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00:11:43,662 -- 00:11:46,598
Let us pray the no is not broken, huh?
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00:11:50,309 -- 00:11:53,550
Alberto, I'm not sure if this is such a good idea.
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00:11:54,085 -- 00:11:56,932
First we make love, then we
decide if it was a good idea.
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That's the European way.
188
00:12:06,145 -- 00:12:08,034
I came here once with Marge.
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00:12:08,069 -- 00:12:10,147
Are you Marge, Sylvia?
190
00:12:10,182 -- 00:12:13,486
Homer, I can be whoever you want me to be.
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00:12:18,273 -- 00:12:20,655
I want you to be Marge.
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Marge?!
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00:12:25,643 -- 00:12:28,705
- Marge, is that you?
- My husband!
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00:12:28,740 -- 00:12:31,400
Why do married women
always have husbands?
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Marge, what are you doing here?
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Uh, the same thing you're doing here.
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You better not be!
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00:12:42,840 -- 00:12:44,357
I mean, great!
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00:12:44,392 -- 00:12:47,132
We both came to rekindle
our precious memories
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of when we were young
and in love, right?
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00:12:49,786 -- 00:12:53,643
We sure did. Rekindle, rekindle.
Okay, let's go.
202
00:12:54,315 -- 00:12:58,991
I have a better idea. Let's spend
the night together right here.
203
00:12:59,957 -- 00:13:04,456
Fine, but I don't want to sleep
in the same room with that chest.
204
00:13:04,491 -- 00:13:07,345
I feel the same way about that lamp.
205
00:13:07,380 -- 00:13:10,910
Okay, but first the chest.
206
00:13:10,945 -- 00:13:11,945
Okay.
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00:13:15,377 -- 00:13:17,016
There you are!
208
00:13:17,051 -- 00:13:19,333
Homie, what's taking so long?
209
00:13:19,368 -- 00:13:21,686
Listen, you're a classy lady
and a great sushi fighter,
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00:13:21,721 -- 00:13:23,813
but you're going in the box.
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- Homie?
- Coming, Marge!
212
00:13:38,976 -- 00:13:41,718
- Good evening. I am Alberto.
- Sylvia.
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00:13:41,753 -- 00:13:43,767
Let's get out of this
chest and go have a drink.
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00:13:43,802 -- 00:13:48,051
Actually, I am quite comfortable here.
There is a flask of cognac in my pocket.
215
00:13:48,086 -- 00:13:50,382
- Do you think you can reach it?
- Okay.
216
00:13:50,417 -- 00:13:52,099
Uh, is this it?
217
00:13:52,134 -- 00:13:54,290
No, but don't stop twisting.
218
00:13:55,927 -- 00:14:00,040
Now let's spend the rest of the night making sweet, sweet...
219
00:14:00,955 -- 00:14:01,955
Kids?!
220
00:14:02,879 -- 00:14:06,904
I'm through baby-sitting
these monsters! Good night.
221
00:14:07,802 -- 00:14:11,413
- We won! He's asleep!
- And we'll stay up forever!
222
00:14:15,987 -- 00:14:18,455
Well, that takes care of those three.
223
00:14:18,490 -- 00:14:21,605
Want to go for a lakeside snuggle?
224
00:14:21,640 -- 00:14:24,393
Homer Simpson, you devil!
225
00:14:28,177 -- 00:14:30,761
Well, that takes care of those three.
226
00:14:30,796 -- 00:14:33,952
Want to go play some a lakeside snuggle?
227
00:14:33,987 -- 00:14:36,647
Homer Simpson, you devil!
228
00:14:37,770 -- 00:14:40,035
But I think we should unpack first.
229
00:14:42,372 -- 00:14:46,212
Hmm. All right. The trick is to ease them off.
230
00:14:55,086 -- 00:14:56,910
What is this dump?
231
00:14:56,945 -- 00:15:01,104
Ah, Ruthie, this dump is
where your mother and I met.
232
00:15:01,139 -- 00:15:03,767
It was a tale of betrayal, redemption,
233
00:15:03,802 -- 00:15:06,400
and a lovely continental breakfast.
234
00:15:08,296 -- 00:15:10,731
Homer, those are our wedding bungees!
235
00:15:13,856 -- 00:15:15,294
- Marjorie?!
- Homer?
236
00:15:15,329 -- 00:15:19,013
It's so good to see you. We
owe you two a debt of thanks.
237
00:15:19,048 -- 00:15:21,344
Homer, if I hadn't come
to this motel with you,
238
00:15:21,379 -- 00:15:23,078
I never would have met Alberto.
239
00:15:24,000 -- 00:15:27,283
And Marjorie, if you had
completed your seduction of me,
240
00:15:27,318 -- 00:15:29,468
I never would have met Sylvia.
241
00:15:30,648 -- 00:15:34,123
I can't believe one of the most
beautiful moments in our marriage
242
00:15:34,158 -- 00:15:36,247
is based on lies!
243
00:15:36,282 -- 00:15:38,085
You're just as bad as me!
244
00:15:38,120 -- 00:15:41,364
And you used to be better,
so that makes you worse!
245
00:15:41,399 -- 00:15:44,697
I don't think we can ever
trust each other again.
246
00:15:44,732 -- 00:15:47,479
Ruthie, kick me away
from this nightmare.
247
00:15:47,514 -- 00:15:48,514
Okay.
248
00:15:49,734 -- 00:15:52,366
I wish I'd never met you! Or you!
249
00:15:59,090 -- 00:16:01,079
Why can't you just admit we're lost?
250
00:16:01,114 -- 00:16:03,897
I'll tell you what's lost: your sense of adventure.
251
00:16:03,932 -- 00:16:06,160
Just ask those guys for directions.
252
00:16:06,576 -- 00:16:09,715
Hmm. Anti-nuclear activist
Dr. Helen Caldicott?
253
00:16:09,750 -- 00:16:11,324
Director Julie Taymor?
254
00:16:11,359 -- 00:16:14,251
- Do you love these women?
- They're okay, I guess.
255
00:16:14,286 -- 00:16:16,557
Let's just skip to the Windsor knot instructions.
256
00:16:16,592 -- 00:16:20,135
Excuse me, boys. My brother
is lost, and kind of a jerk.
257
00:16:20,170 -- 00:16:23,055
If he'd brought a map of
the grounds as I suggested,
258
00:16:23,090 -- 00:16:24,598
then we would...
259
00:16:24,787 -- 00:16:28,246
Lisa, do you know why I spend
every day after school in detention?
260
00:16:28,281 -- 00:16:30,262
So I don't have to come home to you!
261
00:16:30,297 -- 00:16:33,759
Oh, Bart, don't say things you can't take back.
262
00:16:33,794 -- 00:16:35,464
It's out there. Deal with it!
263
00:16:36,344 -- 00:16:38,604
Oh, great. Now you woke the baby.
264
00:16:38,639 -- 00:16:40,778
I told you we should have
left her with your mother!
265
00:16:40,813 -- 00:16:44,425
My God, Bart, what happened to us?
266
00:16:45,219 -- 00:16:46,459
We grew up.
267
00:16:51,251 -- 00:16:53,857
So, I'm sure you
missed Marge last night.
268
00:16:53,892 -- 00:16:56,624
Yeah. I missed her, like, five times.
269
00:16:56,659 -- 00:16:58,584
What a charming single entendre.
270
00:16:58,619 -- 00:17:01,661
Now, look, I know marriage is scary,
but if you really think she's the one,
271
00:17:01,696 -- 00:17:03,879
it gives you two a shot at forever.
272
00:17:03,914 -- 00:17:07,095
Forever? That would be awesome.
273
00:17:07,130 -- 00:17:10,403
Okay, here she comes. Why
don't you take Marge for a walk,
274
00:17:10,438 -- 00:17:12,477
open your heart and see what pours out?
275
00:17:12,512 -- 00:17:16,381
I suppose you and Maude will
be coming along, as well?
276
00:17:17,196 -- 00:17:21,633
Don't you think I got better things to
do on my honeymoon than spy on you two?
277
00:17:22,896 -- 00:17:26,084
Red Dog, this is Mustache One. We
have possible male/female interaction.
278
00:17:26,119 -- 00:17:29,005
Be prepared to terminate inappropriate contact.
279
00:17:31,562 -- 00:17:34,371
- Ready with the ice water.
- Lock onto his wiener.
280
00:17:34,406 -- 00:17:36,094
We have wiener-lock.
281
00:17:36,129 -- 00:17:39,068
Marge, when I'm with
you, I get that feeling
282
00:17:39,103 -- 00:17:42,548
like when I got that smart
kid's report card by mistake,
283
00:17:42,583 -- 00:17:46,223
and for a minute, I
thought I had all As,
284
00:17:46,258 -- 00:17:48,932
and that my namewas Howard Simberg.
285
00:17:48,967 -- 00:17:51,200
You make me feel that way, too.
286
00:17:51,235 -- 00:17:53,393
I know we'll get married some day,
287
00:17:53,428 -- 00:17:55,668
and to prove it, I'll
carve our names on this tree
288
00:17:55,703 -- 00:18:00,402
so all who are hopelessly
lost in the woods can see it.
289
00:18:01,523 -- 00:18:04,698
Oh, I hate other people's love.
290
00:18:15,217 -- 00:18:18,735
MARGE + HOME
4EVER
291
00:18:20,660 -- 00:18:23,566
So that wasn't Marge's glider
292
00:18:23,601 -- 00:18:26,010
parked outside the motel five years ago!
293
00:18:26,045 -- 00:18:29,139
I'm getting out of this marriage
while I'm still young and handsome.
294
00:18:31,829 -- 00:18:33,227
MARGE + HOME
4EVER
295
00:18:34,316 -- 00:18:35,896
4EVER.
296
00:18:36,865 -- 00:18:41,443
I couldn't even keep a promise I made to a tree.
297
00:18:41,478 -- 00:18:42,923
Maybe it's not too late!
298
00:18:42,958 -- 00:18:44,813
Maybe I can still save our love.
299
00:18:44,848 -- 00:18:47,242
If I just show her that carving.
300
00:18:52,716 -- 00:18:55,524
- What are you doing?
- Saving our marriage!
301
00:18:56,346 -- 00:18:57,805
Don't be silly.
302
00:18:57,840 -- 00:19:00,377
Our marriage can weather any storm,
303
00:19:00,412 -- 00:19:01,734
just like this tree.
304
00:19:07,076 -- 00:19:09,972
Help! Fat man hanging from a tree!
305
00:19:13,292 -- 00:19:14,601
That's for fires.
306
00:19:16,288 -- 00:19:17,437
Take my hand!
307
00:19:17,472 -- 00:19:20,023
I don't want to let go
of our special carving!
308
00:19:20,058 -- 00:19:22,915
Homer, our marriage
isn't on a piece of bark!
309
00:19:22,950 -- 00:19:25,696
It's in us! Now take my hand!
310
00:19:46,122 -- 00:19:48,290
Marge, I don't want to die
with us mad at each other.
311
00:19:48,325 -- 00:19:49,842
Me neither, Homie.
312
00:19:49,877 -- 00:19:52,023
I know parts of our
marriage are based on lies,
313
00:19:52,058 -- 00:19:55,373
but so are a lot of good things:
religion, American history.
314
00:19:55,408 -- 00:19:59,383
I know. We had a fight.
We were both tempted.
315
00:19:59,418 -- 00:20:02,277
We're human. The important
thing is we love each other.
316
00:20:06,790 -- 00:20:09,096
Now we wait for the river to freeze.
317
00:20:09,131 -- 00:20:11,577
If my theory of global cooling is correct.
318
00:20:11,612 -- 00:20:13,994
Hey, you guys want a
lift in my pedal boat?
319
00:20:14,029 -- 00:20:16,468
It's not a pedal boat. It's a pedal car
320
00:20:16,503 -- 00:20:18,031
that Bart drove into the river.
321
00:20:18,066 -- 00:20:20,849
Because he knows a shortcut
that's not on the map.
322
00:20:20,884 -- 00:20:23,283
How'd you like a shortcut
to the bottom of the river?
323
00:20:23,318 -- 00:20:26,458
If it's your shortcut,
I'll be high and dry.
324
00:20:30,856 -- 00:20:33,179
- Knock it off back there.
- But we're married.
325
00:20:33,214 -- 00:20:35,961
- Okay, but keep it PG.
- How about R?