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The Simpsons - 20x03 - Double  Double  Boy in Trouble


1

00:00:01,668 -- 00:00:03,962

The D'Oh-Ghnut Team


2

00:00:12,303 -- 00:00:14,347

{\THE LEFTORIUM

NEXT RIGHT}


3

00:00:14,931 -- 00:00:17,308



4

00:02:05,459 -- 00:02:08,419

How did you ever come up

with an idea like crazy bowling?


5

00:02:08,587 -- 00:02:10,255

I googled "girls having fun"


6

00:02:10,380 -- 00:02:13,591

and after wading

through 97,000 pages of porn,


7

00:02:13,716 -- 00:02:15,552

I found "crazy bowling".


8

00:02:16,970 -- 00:02:20,098

That's odd. There isn't a single man

in this whole bowling alley.


9

00:02:23,560 -- 00:02:24,519

The pin!


10

00:02:30,024 -- 00:02:33,611

It's pretty sad when I can't pick up

a guy on super nacho tuesday.


11

00:02:33,736 -- 00:02:36,197

- Where'd they all go?

- You know men,


12

00:02:36,322 -- 00:02:38,658

probably at a baseball game

or a bar.


13

00:03:09,732 -- 00:03:11,483

Come on, you pansies!


14

00:03:11,608 -- 00:03:14,235

I've seen fiercer fights

in parliament!


15

00:03:14,360 -- 00:03:17,989

Yes, what is this,

prime minister's question time?


16

00:03:18,114 -- 00:03:19,741

Is it that?


17

00:03:20,576 -- 00:03:21,951



18

00:03:22,076 -- 00:03:23,620



19

00:03:37,467 -- 00:03:40,929

There's no better violence

than self-inflicted violence.


20

00:03:43,765 -- 00:03:47,352

Thanks for bringing me here.

I'll remember this day on my deathbed.


21

00:03:48,561 -- 00:03:51,606

Not everyone has a deathbed, son.

You could die suddenly.


22

00:03:52,481 -- 00:03:56,152

Maybe some punk kid

will shoot me to get into a gang.


23

00:03:56,320 -- 00:03:57,153

Maybe.


24

00:03:58,906 -- 00:04:02,408

Three hours of half-naked guys

fighting like animals.


25

00:04:02,533 -- 00:04:04,285

Just like the ancient romans.


26

00:04:05,119 -- 00:04:07,246

Except their empire

was falling apart.


27

00:04:08,206 -- 00:04:09,248

Stupid romans.


28

00:04:10,668 -- 00:04:11,668

Ask him.


29

00:04:12,335 -- 00:04:16,047

Sir, could you sign my program

with a swear word?


30

00:04:16,923 -- 00:04:20,259

Filthy but obscure with a subtle

scatological undertone.


31

00:04:20,803 -- 00:04:23,012

Sure, no problem.

25$ please.


32

00:04:23,304 -- 00:04:24,597

Pay the man, boy.


33

00:04:25,932 -- 00:04:27,058

Now, listen,


34

00:04:27,183 -- 00:04:29,686

I know we saw

some awesome beat-downs tonight,


35

00:04:29,811 -- 00:04:32,564

but remember,

don't try this at home.


36

00:04:32,689 -- 00:04:34,357

Do it at the schoolyard.


37

00:04:34,482 -- 00:04:38,236

Someplace where, if you get hurt,

we can sue not just them


38

00:04:38,361 -- 00:04:42,156

but the school, the county, the state,

and that jackass Joe Biden.


39

00:04:43,616 -- 00:04:46,028

Python neck clinch and...


40

00:04:46,153 -- 00:04:46,953

Out.


41

00:04:47,245 -- 00:04:50,790

Maybe I was promoted

to green belt too early.


42

00:04:50,915 -- 00:04:52,208

Next victim.


43

00:04:57,755 -- 00:04:58,923

Here we go.


44

00:05:03,261 -- 00:05:05,138

- Where's your brother?

- I don't know.


45

00:05:05,263 -- 00:05:07,265

Chasing ducks, buried alive?


46

00:05:07,433 -- 00:05:10,017

He'll be missed.

Let's move, I got to collect pine cones.


47

00:05:10,185 -- 00:05:12,103

Die, die, die!


48

00:05:12,228 -- 00:05:14,480

Just follow the "dies", mom.


49

00:05:19,485 -- 00:05:20,987

Why me?


50

00:05:24,365 -- 00:05:26,575

I'm glad

your father isn't here to see this.


51

00:05:26,909 -- 00:05:28,745



52

00:05:28,913 -- 00:05:30,997

Kill, kill, kill!


53

00:05:34,042 -- 00:05:35,543

Bart, let him go.


54

00:05:35,711 -- 00:05:38,713

But mom, I'm winning.

Look at this... his lunch money.


55

00:05:38,881 -- 00:05:41,549

God didn't give you legs

so you could use them as scissors.


56

00:05:41,717 -- 00:05:44,218

I was just doing the moves

I learned from Ultimate Punching.


57

00:05:45,345 -- 00:05:47,138

Ultimate Punching?


58

00:05:47,263 -- 00:05:50,516

- "Ultimate" makes everything worse.

- Not Frisbee.


59

00:05:50,641 -- 00:05:53,979

- Otto, don't you have a sack to hacky?

- Indeed I do.


60

00:05:54,104 -- 00:05:56,314

One...

I messed up.


61

00:05:56,439 -- 00:05:58,775

One...

I messed up.


62

00:05:58,900 -- 00:06:01,151

One...

I messed up.


63

00:06:02,236 -- 00:06:05,156

I'm going to put a stop

to this Ultimate Punching.


64

00:06:05,324 -- 00:06:06,991

You can't stop an entire sport.


65

00:06:07,159 -- 00:06:10,745

You'd need several other mothers,

some school officials and clergymen.


66

00:06:11,497 -- 00:06:13,664

A place to meet.

Some snacks.


67

00:06:13,832 -- 00:06:16,501

- What else?

- A phone tree is invaluable.


68

00:06:16,626 -- 00:06:18,002

How you fixed for staplers?


69

00:06:18,127 -- 00:06:20,797

Those fliers don't stick

to phone poles by themselves.


70

00:06:20,922 -- 00:06:23,883

Nelson,

you really have a knack for this.


71

00:06:24,801 -- 00:06:27,804

When I grow up,

I hope to go into event planning.


72

00:06:28,179 -- 00:06:30,390

Maybe someday

you can do Lisa's wedding.


73

00:06:30,973 -- 00:06:32,308

I'd like that.


74

00:06:40,526 -- 00:06:41,818

- My god.

- So violent.


75

00:06:41,943 -- 00:06:43,945

- Bumped his nose!

- He hit him.


76

00:06:46,781 -- 00:06:48,366

This goes on for a while.


77

00:06:49,534 -- 00:06:50,911

Call me a killjoy,


78

00:06:51,036 -- 00:06:53,788

but I think that

because this is not to my taste.


79

00:06:53,913 -- 00:06:55,957

No one else

should be able to enjoy it.


80

00:06:56,125 -- 00:06:57,416

I'm all over that.


81

00:06:58,502 -- 00:06:59,669

Mom, don't do this.


82

00:06:59,794 -- 00:07:02,755

This sport is as fun for me

as having kids is for you.


83

00:07:03,757 -- 00:07:06,801

Tell her, dad.

You love it even more than I do.


84

00:07:07,135 -- 00:07:09,346

Ultimate Punching

is exploitative, violent,


85

00:07:09,471 -- 00:07:11,515

and a bad influence

on our young people.


86

00:07:11,640 -- 00:07:13,307

Studies have shown she's right.


87

00:07:13,600 -- 00:07:14,517

What the...


88

00:07:15,602 -- 00:07:17,896

Chocolate, whipped cream,

cherries...


89

00:07:18,021 -- 00:07:21,024

She got to you

with a piece of black forest cake.


90

00:07:21,192 -- 00:07:22,776

It wasn't just a piece,


91

00:07:22,901 -- 00:07:25,111

it was the whole cake!


92

00:07:25,236 -- 00:07:27,697

Frosting like snow


93

00:07:28,114 -- 00:07:31,660

on the eaves of a Bavarian castle!


94

00:07:33,996 -- 00:07:36,914

- Glad you didn't come cheap.

- I couldn't help it!


95

00:07:37,248 -- 00:07:39,209

She knew my one weakness.


96

00:07:39,584 -- 00:07:41,377

That I'm weak!


97

00:07:43,088 -- 00:07:45,089

One, two, we say boo!


98

00:07:45,257 -- 00:07:47,300

Three, four, stop the gore!


99

00:07:47,425 -- 00:07:48,968

Five, six, who's got tix?


100

00:07:49,260 -- 00:07:51,179

Seven, eight, use that gate.


101

00:07:52,931 -- 00:07:55,559

We need to take this

into the belly of the beast.


102

00:07:55,684 -- 00:07:57,560

Mr. Scalper, give me a ticket.


103

00:07:58,019 -- 00:07:59,229

I am not a scalper.


104

00:07:59,354 -- 00:08:01,731

I am a dude

whose 200 friends did not show up.


105

00:08:04,693 -- 00:08:07,529

- What do we do now?

- Let's talk about her behind her back.


106

00:08:07,654 -- 00:08:10,532

Have you ever noticed

how her baby never says a thing?


107

00:08:10,657 -- 00:08:12,284

I think it saw something awful.


108

00:08:12,409 -- 00:08:14,202

- Me, too.

- That's exactly what it is.


109

00:08:14,327 -- 00:08:15,912

What else could it be?


110

00:08:27,090 -- 00:08:29,092

That woman has natural breasts.


111

00:08:29,467 -- 00:08:30,593

This can't be good.


112

00:08:34,889 -- 00:08:37,809

I'm Marge Simpson,

and I will not rest


113

00:08:37,977 -- 00:08:40,854

until you tear down this septagon.


114

00:08:40,979 -- 00:08:41,980

What?


115

00:08:43,232 -- 00:08:45,817

Crazy dame.

Nobody tears down the septagon.


116

00:08:45,942 -- 00:08:48,236

Except for the arena crew,

because Hufflesnuffs on ice


117

00:08:48,404 -- 00:08:49,820

needs the space tomorrow.


118

00:08:51,072 -- 00:08:53,574

Wait a minute, I have a better idea.


119

00:08:55,326 -- 00:08:57,120

Marge, I'm Chett Englebrecht,


120

00:08:57,288 -- 00:08:59,748

UPKCC founder, commissioner


121

00:08:59,873 -- 00:09:02,125

and public face of the sport.


122

00:09:05,880 -- 00:09:07,046

Pleased to meet you.


123

00:09:08,965 -- 00:09:10,050

Guys, please.


124

00:09:10,175 -- 00:09:12,302

When you yell like that,

no one can hear me.


125

00:09:14,638 -- 00:09:17,140

I'm here to ask you

one simple thing:


126

00:09:17,474 -- 00:09:21,477

please go out of business

and donate all your profits.


127

00:09:23,063 -- 00:09:26,024

At least in other sports,

they're trying to put a ball in a net,


128

00:09:26,149 -- 00:09:27,150

or a zone.


129

00:09:27,318 -- 00:09:29,903

But in this sport

they don't put anything in anything.


130

00:09:30,028 -- 00:09:32,071

And if they did,

I wouldn't wanna see it.


131

00:09:33,198 -- 00:09:35,158

- Okay, you win.

- What?


132

00:09:35,326 -- 00:09:37,702

Annoying lady,

you make a great point.


133

00:09:37,827 -- 00:09:40,538

I am going to shut down this sport.


134

00:09:40,706 -- 00:09:43,959

- Really?

- If you meet me in the septagon,


135

00:09:44,084 -- 00:09:45,668

fight me, and beat me.


136

00:09:45,836 -- 00:09:47,962

What? That's crazy.


137

00:09:48,130 -- 00:09:52,008

What's wrong, Marge?

Do you have to ask your husband?


138

00:09:54,052 -- 00:09:55,053

Good one!


139

00:09:55,428 -- 00:09:57,013



140

00:09:57,472 -- 00:09:59,349

That flattens my soda pop.


141

00:09:59,474 -- 00:10:00,475

You're on.


142

00:10:02,852 -- 00:10:04,729

- What'd I miss?

- Nothin'.


143

00:10:06,814 -- 00:10:09,192

Mom, you can't fight that guy.


144

00:10:09,317 -- 00:10:12,737

Yeah, he'll knock your block off.

You're beautiful block.


145

00:10:12,862 -- 00:10:14,238

Thank you, Homie.


146

00:10:14,363 -- 00:10:17,283

Listen, of all the crazy things

I've ever done,


147

00:10:17,408 -- 00:10:19,994

this is the craziest,

and you're doing it.


148

00:10:20,162 -- 00:10:21,579

I can't back out.


149

00:10:21,704 -- 00:10:24,290

This is for a cause

that's bigger than I am.


150

00:10:24,415 -- 00:10:28,127

If Gandhi could go without eating

for a whole three-hour movie,


151

00:10:28,252 -- 00:10:29,462

I can do this.


152

00:10:29,630 -- 00:10:32,465

Besides, I'm a woman.

He'll probably go easy on me.


153

00:10:32,590 -- 00:10:35,760

- Or kick the crap out of you.

- Watch your language, moron.


154

00:10:37,805 -- 00:10:39,388



155

00:10:50,234 -- 00:10:52,235

If I'm going to open a can

of whup-tushy,


156

00:10:52,360 -- 00:10:55,905

I'd better get in shape

with some rhythmic gymnastics.


157

00:11:06,042 -- 00:11:08,585

We gotta stop her

from going through with this fight.


158

00:11:08,753 -- 00:11:11,546

This goes against every feminist bone

in my body.


159

00:11:11,671 -- 00:11:14,048

But dad,

can't you control your woman?


160

00:11:14,173 -- 00:11:17,260

How can I control her?

I have nothing to withhold!


161

00:11:17,385 -- 00:11:20,513

Man... now she's writing cutesy things

with the ribbon.


162

00:11:20,681 -- 00:11:22,014



163

00:11:23,140 -- 00:11:24,934



164

00:11:29,355 -- 00:11:30,773

Homer, this is bad.


165

00:11:30,898 -- 00:11:33,901

One unlucky punch

and Marge could be bedridden for life.


166

00:11:34,026 -- 00:11:37,071

Unable to move anything

but her left toe.


167

00:11:39,949 -- 00:11:43,536

Marge, if only I knew

what these paintings meant.


168

00:11:43,661 -- 00:11:45,538



169

00:11:46,330 -- 00:11:49,750

I know the woman I loved

is still in there somewhere,


170

00:11:49,875 -- 00:11:51,877

behind all this nonsense.


171

00:11:52,795 -- 00:11:54,881

We gotta get her

some professional training.


172

00:11:55,049 -- 00:11:57,925

Carl, do you know heavyweight champ,

Drederick Tatum?


173

00:11:58,050 -- 00:12:00,803

What? You think just 'cause I'm black

I know all other black people?


174

00:12:02,306 -- 00:12:04,432

Actually, Drederick and I

are very good friends.


175

00:12:04,557 -- 00:12:07,977

We met through Dr. Hibbert at a party

at bleeding gums Murphy's house.


176

00:12:08,394 -- 00:12:10,647

You have definitely come

to the right crib.


177

00:12:10,980 -- 00:12:13,691

I'm always happy

to impart my pugilistic prowess


178

00:12:13,816 -- 00:12:15,235

to a punching parvenu.


179

00:12:15,403 -- 00:12:18,446

Now, the first lesson

will be to work the tattoos.


180

00:12:19,490 -- 00:12:23,159

Flaming skull. Obama.

Scooby-doo. Scooby-doo.


181

00:12:23,327 -- 00:12:26,537

Now, work "The Lord's prayer".

I'm gonna order some lion food.


182

00:12:26,662 -- 00:12:29,582

Hello? How you doin'?

I'd like to order two gazelles,


183

00:12:29,707 -- 00:12:32,251

an impala and throw in

a couple of wildebeests.


184

00:12:32,376 -- 00:12:34,962

And a two-liter bottle

of diet cherry cola.


185

00:12:35,087 -- 00:12:37,715

You just have one-liter bottles?

Cancel the whole order.


186

00:12:39,425 -- 00:12:43,012

The second element

of mixed martial arts is jujitsu,


187

00:12:43,180 -- 00:12:46,349

in which we use an opponent's strength

against himself.


188

00:12:46,474 -- 00:12:49,602

But I sneak

some of my strength in there, too.


189

00:12:50,352 -- 00:12:53,064

Now, attack me with great anger!


190

00:12:54,482 -- 00:12:55,733

Surprising move!


191

00:12:57,485 -- 00:12:58,527

Next: Homer!


192

00:13:02,573 -- 00:13:06,202

Now, we stick foot in mouth,

tie arms like pretzel,


193

00:13:06,327 -- 00:13:09,330

and pop discs in spine

like bubble wrap.


194

00:13:13,083 -- 00:13:15,586

- Is he okay?

- He feels no pain.


195

00:13:17,087 -- 00:13:19,382

Sorry, my English is not so good.


196

00:13:19,507 -- 00:13:22,134

I mean, he feels only pain.


197

00:13:24,263 -- 00:13:27,723

Back when I wrestled at Yale,

I was in the lightest weight category.


198

00:13:27,848 -- 00:13:28,933

"Ether weight."


199

00:13:29,308 -- 00:13:32,186

Get ready to face the wrath

of the "New Haven Nuisance"!


200

00:13:43,614 -- 00:13:45,698

Side-mount! Takedown! Advantage!


201

00:13:45,823 -- 00:13:48,620

Reversal! Reversal!

Clinch! Clinch, I say!


202

00:13:49,662 -- 00:13:52,290

Listen, I'm late for a PTA meeting.


203

00:13:53,165 -- 00:13:54,417

In order to save money,


204

00:13:54,542 -- 00:13:56,669

the following presidents

will not be taught:


205

00:13:57,086 -- 00:14:00,256

Buchanan, Fillmore,

Pierce, Bush, Bush...


206

00:14:01,090 -- 00:14:02,092

Stop that!


207

00:14:02,508 -- 00:14:04,635

Saratoga slam!

Aristotle's dilemma!


208

00:14:04,760 -- 00:14:07,096

Knickerbocker knucklebreaker!

And so on.


209

00:14:09,223 -- 00:14:12,977

I bet we got ten minutes

'till the kids wake up.


210

00:14:18,273 -- 00:14:21,111

Tomorrow night your bedroom

will be the septagon.


211

00:14:21,279 -- 00:14:23,446

Your sleeping pill

will be my punches.


212

00:14:23,696 -- 00:14:25,365

What's that book you're reading?


213

00:14:25,614 -- 00:14:27,158

Eat, pray, love.


214

00:14:27,326 -- 00:14:29,368

More like "beat, slay, shove!"


215

00:14:29,493 -- 00:14:31,912

The fireworks begin tomorrow!


216

00:14:34,206 -- 00:14:35,542

I said tomorrow!


217

00:14:35,833 -- 00:14:39,379

- No can do. We're out of fireworks.

- Why'd you shoot 'em off now?


218

00:14:39,629 -- 00:14:43,550

I have trouble concentrating.

I should be on antidepressants.


219

00:14:44,258 -- 00:14:46,219

- Where was I?

- Beat, slay, shove.


220

00:14:46,387 -- 00:14:48,387

Right,"beat, slay, shove!"


221

00:14:48,512 -- 00:14:51,140

The fireworks start tomorrow!


222

00:14:52,766 -- 00:14:55,060

I found some more, but that was it!


223

00:14:58,897 -- 00:15:02,026

A lot of people think

bullies are born awesome,


224

00:15:02,151 -- 00:15:04,570

but the fact is, we have to train.


225

00:15:04,695 -- 00:15:07,948

You don't get garlic knots like these

unless you work the bag.


226

00:15:14,121 -- 00:15:17,249

- Is there someone in there?

- It's my own fault.


227

00:15:17,374 -- 00:15:19,960

I looked them in the eye

when I gave them my lunch money.


228

00:15:20,085 -- 00:15:22,254

Someone should tell your principal!


229

00:15:22,379 -- 00:15:23,882

I'm aware of the situation.


230

00:15:25,384 -- 00:15:27,761



231

00:15:33,392 -- 00:15:36,769

I came here to tell you

it's not too late to back out.


232

00:15:36,894 -- 00:15:40,231

I can't back out,

because if I fight him tomorrow,


233

00:15:40,356 -- 00:15:43,817

it'll be a less violent world

for you kids in the future.


234

00:15:43,942 -- 00:15:45,779

There must be a better way.


235

00:15:45,904 -- 00:15:46,905

Certainly!


236

00:15:48,697 -- 00:15:50,908

Marge Simpson reporting for duty!


237

00:15:52,703 -- 00:15:55,162

Dad, I keep telling you,

that won't work.


238

00:15:55,287 -- 00:15:58,500

Let's go, Marge.

My class reunion starts in an hour.


239

00:15:59,375 -- 00:16:02,628

I have a confession to make.

I'm just Homer dressed as Marge.


240

00:16:02,753 -- 00:16:05,256

Yeah, but last year

I took Barney dressed as Marge.


241

00:16:05,381 -- 00:16:06,925

They'll think you look better.{\Think how much butter

they'll think you look.}


242

00:16:08,050 -- 00:16:10,928

You'd better not leave me

and talk to your friends all night.


243

00:16:11,053 -- 00:16:13,264

Keep talkin' like that

and I'll leave you here now!


244

00:16:15,101 -- 00:16:18,186

Krusty, I'm honored

you invited me tonight.


245

00:16:18,354 -- 00:16:21,397

Yeah, I thought a noisy public place

would be the best spot


246

00:16:21,522 -- 00:16:23,358

to tell you

I've been dating your wife.


247

00:16:23,526 -- 00:16:24,359

What?


248

00:16:24,527 -- 00:16:26,527

Also, could you tell her

I'm dumping her?


249

00:16:26,652 -- 00:16:28,904

After 11 years the thrill is gone.


250

00:16:31,615 -- 00:16:33,493

I tried my best

to talk you out of this.


251

00:16:33,661 -- 00:16:36,370

But since you're going through

with it, I beg you,


252

00:16:36,495 -- 00:16:39,916

just stay out of his way

and don't get hurt.


253

00:16:40,165 -- 00:16:44,129

Mom, if you punch him in the junk,

you'll get no disrespect from me.


254

00:16:44,254 -- 00:16:45,964

Did you know that's a haiku?


255

00:16:52,970 -- 00:16:55,347

Time to square off in the ring...


256

00:16:55,472 -- 00:16:57,558

That is the septagon!


257

00:16:57,683 -- 00:16:59,769

In this corner, weighing in at...


258

00:16:59,937 -- 00:17:02,313

Nobody needs to know that!

Skeep ahead.


259

00:17:02,438 -- 00:17:04,940

Stands

the "mom I'd like to fight"...


260

00:17:10,031 -- 00:17:13,907

And four obtuse angles over,

weighing in at 115 pounds,


261

00:17:14,199 -- 00:17:16,535

Chett Englebrecht!


262

00:17:22,794 -- 00:17:24,543

And, now...


263

00:17:24,668 -- 00:17:27,547

Let's begin to rumba!


264

00:17:27,715 -- 00:17:29,466

We've been ready for hours!


265

00:17:29,634 -- 00:17:33,093

I had car trouble!


266

00:17:37,225 -- 00:17:39,142

Don't worry.

Don't want to hurt you.


267

00:17:39,725 -- 00:17:41,144

I knew it!


268

00:17:43,353 -- 00:17:46,650

That's the first time I hit a woman

I didn't love.


269

00:17:50,319 -- 00:17:53,113

Come on! Get back on your feet!

I believe in you!


270

00:17:53,238 -- 00:17:55,366

- I'm doin' it, Moe!

- Not you.


271

00:17:55,491 -- 00:17:57,618

Thank God.

The pressure's off.


272

00:17:58,911 -- 00:18:00,246

I'll save you!


273

00:18:04,833 -- 00:18:06,168

Hit my mom, will ya?


274

00:18:06,293 -- 00:18:08,296

I'm gonna knock you out

and moon your corpse.


275

00:18:08,464 -- 00:18:11,381

Heck, I'll fight anyone.

Except a man of my own size.


276

00:18:22,643 -- 00:18:25,187

That's... my... son.


277

00:18:38,953 -- 00:18:41,788

Tap out!

Don't make me break your arm!


278

00:18:41,956 -- 00:18:44,874

Lady, why don't you break out

the lipstick and kiss my ass?


279

00:18:45,042 -- 00:18:47,794

There sure is a lot of talkin'

for a professional fight.


280

00:18:47,962 -- 00:18:49,962

That's what you get

when you fight a woman.


281

00:18:50,963 -- 00:18:54,299

And they spend all day eating bonbons

and watching general hospital.


282

00:18:54,633 -- 00:18:56,718

Which, by the way,

has never been better.


283

00:18:58,970 -- 00:19:01,224

Okay, I give! I give!

You're better than me!


284

00:19:01,557 -- 00:19:03,226

Really? Thank you.


285

00:19:03,394 -- 00:19:06,479

Now, let me go!

Turn your back and take a bow.


286

00:19:06,647 -- 00:19:07,688

Okeydoke.


287

00:19:29,251 -- 00:19:31,503

I'd just like to say one thing.


288

00:19:31,628 -- 00:19:33,422

I only agreed to this fight


289

00:19:33,547 -- 00:19:35,841

because I wanted

to stop the violence.


290

00:19:35,966 -- 00:19:39,511

And sure I got into great shape

and met some fun people,


291

00:19:39,636 -- 00:19:43,640

but I ended up discovering

my own dark side.


292

00:19:44,141 -- 00:19:46,477

So from now on,

the only thing I'm fighting


293

00:19:46,602 -- 00:19:48,937

is this cold I'm coming down with.


294

00:19:51,481 -- 00:19:53,942

Mom, that's a beautiful thought.


295

00:19:54,818 -- 00:19:57,072

I wish somebody would've

stuck around to hear it.


296

00:19:57,322 -- 00:19:58,448

Where did they go?


297

00:19:58,616 -- 00:20:02,534

Two drunk guys were fighting outside

and everyone went to watch.


298

00:20:03,285 -- 00:20:04,912

Can I go, Marge?

Can I? Can I?


299

00:20:05,037 -- 00:20:06,747

No. Let's go home.


300

00:20:06,872 -- 00:20:09,875

We can enjoy

some mixed "marital" arts.


301

00:20:10,751 -- 00:20:12,671

No holds barred.


302

00:20:14,630 -- 00:20:15,799

Hey, Lise...


303

00:20:15,967 -- 00:20:18,592

I don't know when we'll be

in a septagon again.


304

00:20:18,717 -- 00:20:22,389

Wanna settle this bad blood

that's been going on since you're born?


305

00:20:23,805 -- 00:20:25,307

You're on.






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The Simpsons - 20x01 - Sex  Pies and Idiot Scrapes.FQM.en


11

00:01:10,938 -- 00:01:13,885

Milhouse, watch me

make a loser lose it.


12

00:01:15,432 -- 00:01:17,885

Oh, customers,

how I hate them.


13

00:01:17,886 -- 00:01:20,212

Excuse me. I just heard that

before spider-man was a movie,


14

00:01:20,213 -- 00:01:22,770

It was a comic book--


15

00:01:22,771 -- 00:01:23,963

is that possible?


16

00:01:23,964 -- 00:01:25,663

What the...?


17

00:01:25,664 -- 00:01:27,869

suffering steve ditko!


18

00:01:27,870 -- 00:01:30,901

How can you not know

that spider-man


19

00:01:30,902 -- 00:01:33,665

first appeared

in 1962's classic


20

00:01:33,666 -- 00:01:36,118

Amazing fantasy #15?!


21

00:01:37,605 -- 00:01:39,565

Ooh, 12 cents!


22

00:01:39,566 -- 00:01:40,815

I'll take eight.


23

00:01:40,816 -- 00:01:44,799

What the...? You idiot!

Mint condition copies are, like, $40,000 each!


24

00:01:44,800 -- 00:01:49,507

Must lie down

On pile of unsold hulk hands.


25

00:01:49,508 -- 00:01:53,881

Hulk smash.


26

00:01:55,624 -- 00:01:57,927

Huh? What's this?


27

00:01:57,928 -- 00:02:00,593

"everyman"?

He's not a hero


28

00:02:00,594 -- 00:02:03,427

from marvel, dc,

Image or wildstorm.


29

00:02:03,428 -- 00:02:08,553

"it was a typical day

For delivery man avery mann until..."


30

00:02:08,554 -- 00:02:12,093

Help! Bank robbers!

Shut your yap.


31

00:02:13,173 -- 00:02:15,858

Time for this average man

to disappear.


32

00:02:20,312 -- 00:02:23,160

Look at that fat guy--

beatin' it like an egg.


33

00:02:23,161 -- 00:02:25,662

Yeah, he's scramblinin''

like an egg.


34

00:02:27,265 -- 00:02:28,577

Egg.

Egg.


35

00:02:28,578 -- 00:02:30,502

Laugh while you can.


36

00:02:34,692 -- 00:02:37,772

Everyman absorbs the

powers of every superhero


37

00:02:37,773 -- 00:02:39,790

Whose comic book he touches.


38

00:02:42,274 -- 00:02:44,724

Power-absorption power...

Absorb!


39

00:02:44,725 -- 00:02:46,052



40

00:02:53,622 -- 00:02:56,512

It's just a flyin'

fatso-- keep robbin'.


41

00:02:57,926 -- 00:02:59,448

Good afternoon, gentlemen.


42

00:03:02,886 -- 00:03:06,068

put me in sing-sing!

It's safer!


43

00:03:10,890 -- 00:03:12,357

Perfect.


44

00:03:12,358 -- 00:03:14,809

Plastic man powers--

absorb!


45

00:03:19,758 -- 00:03:21,169

Going somewhere?


46

00:03:23,573 -- 00:03:26,599

Everyman will stop

every crime every time.


47

00:03:26,600 -- 00:03:29,488

And I... Am... Everyman.


48

00:03:29,489 -- 00:03:31,903

Put my comic down.


49

00:03:31,904 -- 00:03:34,066

You made this?!

Shut up.


50

00:03:34,067 -- 00:03:37,548

No one is interested in the critical

judgment of a worthless child...


51

00:03:37,549 -- 00:03:39,354

Actually, I like it.


52

00:03:39,355 -- 00:03:42,923

You what now?

Everyman is awesome.


53

00:03:42,924 -- 00:03:45,219

Reading it, I escaped

from my troubles.


54

00:03:45,220 -- 00:03:47,257

Now they're back

in spades.


55

00:03:47,258 -- 00:03:49,225

Have you shown

this to anyone?


56

00:03:49,226 -- 00:03:52,859

No. If copies got out,

It would be ridiculed by the online community--


57

00:03:52,860 -- 00:03:55,155

Sonofsonofspock, thedorkknight,


58

00:03:55,156 -- 00:03:57,318

and ikilledkenny6475.


59

00:03:57,319 -- 00:04:00,315

Don't be afraid of them.

They're just lame-o's like yourself.


60

00:04:00,316 -- 00:04:01,489

Two of them are me.


61

00:04:01,490 -- 00:04:05,918

Very well.

I... Shall... Self-publish.


62

00:04:05,919 -- 00:04:08,898

How many issues

have you written?


63

00:04:08,899 -- 00:04:13,889

Oh, uh, just 335, including

the controversial number 289,


64

00:04:13,890 -- 00:04:16,296

Featuring the death

of marmaduke.


65

00:04:21,172 -- 00:04:23,388

Comic book guy's been

writing these for years.


66

00:04:23,389 -- 00:04:26,300

Who knew a troubled person

could be creative?


67

00:04:26,301 -- 00:04:29,027

Yeah, still waters

run deep.


68

00:04:41,883 -- 00:04:45,856

I'm so rich.


69

00:05:02,602 -- 00:05:05,148

All right, what's our next big

summer franchise? Come on.


70

00:05:05,149 -- 00:05:06,612

You want an original idea?


71

00:05:06,613 -- 00:05:09,251

Yes. Let your imaginations

run free.


72

00:05:09,252 -- 00:05:11,688

Something that's never

been a movie before,


73

00:05:11,689 -- 00:05:12,994

But feels like it has.


74

00:05:12,995 -- 00:05:14,639

Extension cords.

Mixed nuts.


75

00:05:14,640 -- 00:05:15,725

Car keys.


76

00:05:15,726 -- 00:05:19,917

Eh, we've already made everything

That could possibly be a movie into a great movie.


77

00:05:19,918 -- 00:05:21,377

There's nothin' left.


78

00:05:21,378 -- 00:05:22,816

Dad, can we go?


79

00:05:22,817 -- 00:05:25,068

I've watched all the dvds

in the bentley.


80

00:05:25,069 -- 00:05:26,842

Jonah, what's that

in your hand?


81

00:05:26,843 -- 00:05:29,920

Oh, big surprise that you

don't know what this is.


82

00:05:29,921 -- 00:05:33,740

It's only everyman,

the coolest comic book ever.


83

00:05:33,741 -- 00:05:36,019

What are his powers?

All of them.


84

00:05:36,020 -- 00:05:39,603

That's it. Our next big summer movie

will be everyman.


85

00:05:39,604 -- 00:05:41,804

Uh, marv? Ginormous pictures

bought the rights


86

00:05:41,805 -- 00:05:43,779

To everyman

three weeks ago.


87

00:05:43,780 -- 00:05:44,780

Damn it!


88

00:05:44,781 -- 00:05:46,081



89

00:05:46,082 -- 00:05:49,743

We at ginormous pictures

are incredible fans


90

00:05:49,744 -- 00:05:52,975

And think everyman would

make a fantastic movie.


91

00:05:52,976 -- 00:05:55,955

Oh really? The way you thought 

"stratego" would make a good movie?


92

00:05:55,956 -- 00:05:57,367

You'd expect us to believe


93

00:05:57,368 -- 00:06:00,256

That a red scout

would date a blue general?


94

00:06:00,257 -- 00:06:01,463



95

00:06:01,464 -- 00:06:02,983

Hey, don't blame us--


96

00:06:02,984 -- 00:06:04,758

brett ratner had final cut.


97

00:06:04,759 -- 00:06:06,727

I'm well aware

of who had what cut.


98

00:06:11,514 -- 00:06:12,860

Let me get to the point:


99

00:06:12,861 -- 00:06:16,815

It is not money I am after, or women--

I know that is impossible.


100

00:06:16,816 -- 00:06:20,651

What I want is to pick the

actor who will play everyman.


101

00:06:20,652 -- 00:06:21,910

No can do.


102

00:06:22,593 -- 00:06:23,781

Thank you.


103

00:06:23,782 -- 00:06:25,960

But we never give...

Thank you.


104

00:06:25,961 -- 00:06:29,852

They'll laugh us out of hollywood.

Thank you.


105

00:06:29,853 -- 00:06:32,459

fine. You got it.

Thank you.


106

00:06:35,967 -- 00:06:37,605

I played hardball

with hollywood.


107

00:06:37,606 -- 00:06:40,782

The closest I will ever come

to playing a sport in my life.


108

00:06:42,149 -- 00:06:46,558

"wherever there's

a crime to be solved,


109

00:06:47,529 -- 00:06:48,827

"I will be there to solve...

...It."


110

00:06:48,828 -- 00:06:52,368

And there's more, but my fax machine 

ran out of ink, so I can't read it.


111

00:06:52,369 -- 00:06:55,553

Do you know where you can buy ink

for an amiga brand fax machine?


112

00:06:55,554 -- 00:06:57,615

Thank you, that was great.


113

00:06:57,616 -- 00:06:59,994

You want to see it any other way?

Like sad...


114

00:06:59,995 -- 00:07:03,643

Or brooklyn,

or richard nixon voice?


115

00:07:03,644 -- 00:07:04,693

Pass.


116

00:07:04,694 -- 00:07:07,938

But I already bought a boat

with the money you were gonna pay me.


117

00:07:09,052 -- 00:07:11,508

Come on, comic book guy,


118

00:07:11,509 -- 00:07:14,814

you've gotta pick someone.

We've already read three people.


119

00:07:14,815 -- 00:07:17,752

Don't you latt?sipping

leeches understand?


120

00:07:17,753 -- 00:07:20,651

I've seen enough of these

hollywood super-hunks.


121

00:07:20,652 -- 00:07:23,698

We need a dumpy, unappealing

loser.


122

00:07:23,699 -- 00:07:25,045

-- an everyman


123

00:07:25,864 -- 00:07:28,816

Can you help me out?

I need change for a dollar.


124

00:07:28,817 -- 00:07:30,207

Oh, I also need a dollar.


125

00:07:38,416 -- 00:07:40,066

You... Are...


126

00:07:40,067 -- 00:07:41,182

 Acceptable.


127

00:07:41,183 -- 00:07:43,032

Great. Do you want

to see me naked?


128

00:07:43,033 -- 00:07:45,342

Oh, there's no nudity in this movie.

What movie?


129

00:07:47,014 -- 00:07:48,871

Let's go around the table,

and everybody say


130

00:07:48,872 -- 00:07:51,697

One amazing thing that

happened to them today.


131

00:07:51,698 -- 00:07:53,376

Lisa?

Well, I qualified for


132

00:07:53,377 -- 00:07:55,266

the national math bee--


133

00:07:55,267 -- 00:07:57,800

Great. Marge, go.

Guess who the garden club


134

00:07:57,801 -- 00:08:00,366

Elected president?

You? Awesome. Next.


135

00:08:00,367 -- 00:08:02,894

No. I lost.

Eh, they can go to hell. Bart?


136

00:08:02,895 -- 00:08:05,749

Dr. Hibbert found out my thyroid

isn't pumping out enough--


137

00:08:05,750 -- 00:08:08,915

Time's up. Okay, maggie: "suck,

suck"-- that takes us to... Me.


138

00:08:10,249 -- 00:08:12,247



139

00:08:12,248 -- 00:08:15,472

Some hollywood idiots hired

me to star in a movie.


140

00:08:20,431 -- 00:08:22,095

Homer, we have

a problem.


141

00:08:22,096 -- 00:08:25,528

Fine. I'll give back the oscars

I stole from the lobby.


142

00:08:25,529 -- 00:08:27,686

Do you want the golden globe?

No! No...


143

00:08:27,687 -- 00:08:30,604

But we have a bigger problem.


144

00:08:30,605 -- 00:08:33,152

Homer, my brother and I

showed this picture of you


145

00:08:33,153 -- 00:08:35,422

To a cross-section

of typical moviegoers.


146

00:08:35,423 -- 00:08:37,819

Not one thought you

looked like a superhero.


147

00:08:37,820 -- 00:08:41,305

Several people

stared at the sun,


148

00:08:41,306 -- 00:08:44,957

Attempting to blind themselves.

Against every animal instinct they had.


149

00:08:44,958 -- 00:08:47,349

We need you to slim down, muscle

up and become the everyman


150

00:08:47,350 -- 00:08:49,378

People want to be instead


151

00:08:49,379 -- 00:08:51,432

of the one they actually are.


152

00:08:51,433 -- 00:08:53,935

I don't know if I can.

I'm a yo-yo dieter:


153

00:08:53,936 -- 00:08:57,194

"yo, hot dog man.

Yo, peanuts."


154

00:08:57,195 -- 00:08:59,975

Why aren't you laughing?

Don't you know what "yo" means?


155

00:08:59,976 -- 00:09:02,335

Maybe I can help.


156

00:09:03,231 -- 00:09:04,474

Lyle mccarthy.


157

00:09:04,475 -- 00:09:07,726

Finally, the answer

to my problem.


158

00:09:07,727 -- 00:09:10,824

What do you do?

He's the trainer to the stars.


159

00:09:10,825 -- 00:09:14,608

Here's what brad and angelina

looked like before they met me.


160

00:09:15,523 -- 00:09:18,160

They look good with a

little meat on their bones.


161

00:09:18,161 -- 00:09:21,085

Come with me.

Take my hand, homer,


162

00:09:21,086 -- 00:09:23,989

And wave good-bye

to fat you.


163

00:09:23,990 -- 00:09:25,360

Good-bye, fat me.


164

00:09:25,361 -- 00:09:28,500

You sure that guy who created

everyman's gonna like this?


165

00:09:28,501 -- 00:09:30,584

Him? He's gone hollywood.


166

00:09:33,603 -- 00:09:36,074

...A lot of people have come

to this town and changed,


167

00:09:36,075 -- 00:09:37,075

But not me.


168

00:09:38,100 -- 00:09:39,362

Now excuse me, 


169

00:09:39,363 -- 00:09:42,664

I have to read a story

To my adopted cambodian orphan.


170

00:09:42,665 -- 00:09:46,194

Nannies, produce

the child and the story.


171

00:09:46,195 -- 00:09:50,040

Hello, prius--

give daddy a kiss.


172

00:09:53,161 -- 00:09:56,189

Homer, do you

know why you eat?


173

00:09:56,190 -- 00:09:59,137

Because I'm swallowing

my frustrations and disappointments? 


174

00:09:59,138 -- 00:10:00,583

Something bad happens


175

00:10:00,584 -- 00:10:03,042

and you cope by cramming a donut

in your mouth.


176

00:10:03,043 -- 00:10:05,446

Yeah, well, you don't always

have time to...


177

00:10:05,447 -- 00:10:08,072

I'm gonna teach you

Healthy emotional alternatives 


178

00:10:08,073 -- 00:10:09,129

to eating.


179

00:10:09,130 -- 00:10:10,390

We don't have much time,


180

00:10:10,391 -- 00:10:13,454

So we'll do it in a montage to

the song "eye of the tiger."


181

00:10:15,628 -- 00:10:17,340

Oh, that song's

a little on the nose.


182

00:10:17,341 -- 00:10:19,476

Can we do it to

david bowie's "heroes"?


183

00:10:19,477 -- 00:10:20,649

Eh, it's your montage.


184

00:10:28,119 -- 00:10:30,355

Whew... This montage sounds

really exhausting.


185

00:10:30,356 -- 00:10:32,800

How about I just do a

walking around sad montage?


186

00:10:32,801 -- 00:10:33,850

No.


187

00:10:33,851 -- 00:10:37,134

A montage of me turning a ragtag 

little league team into state runners-up?


188

00:10:37,135 -- 00:10:39,209

No.

Me using funny modes of transportation


189

00:10:39,210 -- 00:10:42,432

Like a hot air balloon and a camel,

And finally a pickup truck full of chickens?


190

00:10:42,433 -- 00:10:45,229

Then I get out of the truck

and go to thank the driver,


191

00:10:45,230 -- 00:10:47,665

But then I see the driver is a chicken?

Let's just skip ahead a month.


192

00:10:47,666 -- 00:10:49,057



193

00:10:49,058 -- 00:10:50,972

10,001... 10,002...


194

00:10:50,973 -- 00:10:52,971

And... Fit.


195

00:10:57,168 -- 00:10:58,185

I gotta take this.


196

00:10:58,186 -- 00:11:01,079

Tobey! Cider house rules!


197

00:11:01,080 -- 00:11:02,664

Total wuss.


198

00:11:02,665 -- 00:11:05,182

Seabiscuit, you keeping

off the sugar cubes?


199

00:11:05,183 -- 00:11:06,771

I hate this guy.


200

00:11:06,772 -- 00:11:08,261

I love this guy!


201

00:11:08,262 -- 00:11:10,379

Tobe, tobe, tobe,

we talked about this.


202

00:11:10,380 -- 00:11:13,267

If the rice ain't brown,

don't chow down.


203

00:11:13,268 -- 00:11:16,034

Look, I gotta bail--

I'm with everyman right now.


204

00:11:16,035 -- 00:11:17,486

No, no, no, no, no, don't worry.


205

00:11:17,487 -- 00:11:18,823

He totally sucks.


206

00:11:18,824 -- 00:11:20,881

I'm only lying to him.


207

00:11:20,882 -- 00:11:23,229

Good-bye!

Bad-bye.


208

00:11:23,230 -- 00:11:24,850

Was that tobey maguire?


209

00:11:24,851 -- 00:11:26,435

Hey, home town buffet,


210

00:11:26,436 -- 00:11:29,776

like I told john travolta,

my client list is private.


211

00:11:29,777 -- 00:11:31,931

You know what?

Enough chitchat.


212

00:11:31,932 -- 00:11:35,225

Hit the pole!

Stripper up...Fireman down.


213

00:11:35,226 -- 00:11:42,991

And sexy.

Heroic!


214

00:11:42,992 -- 00:11:44,293

Earn that money.


215

00:11:45,378 -- 00:11:46,848

Found this

on the roof.


216

00:11:46,849 -- 00:11:50,355

Well, I think we've seen

the last of the purple pariah.


217

00:11:50,356 -- 00:11:52,937

Thanks, everyman.

Don't thank me.


218

00:11:52,938 -- 00:11:54,629

Thank captain america


219

00:11:54,630 -- 00:11:58,103

For giving me the patriotism

to want to save the president's life.


220

00:11:58,104 -- 00:12:01,255

And thank wonder woman

for giving me the boobs


221

00:12:01,256 -- 00:12:03,175

to distract the guards.


222

00:12:03,176 -- 00:12:04,534

And... Cut.


223

00:12:04,535 -- 00:12:06,866

What'd you think, kids?

That was awesome!


224

00:12:06,867 -- 00:12:09,154

Although there were

a few holes in the story.


225

00:12:09,155 -- 00:12:11,355

That's the problem when

you have 17 writers.


226

00:12:11,356 -- 00:12:14,089

But don't worry, we have

two fresh ones working on it.


227

00:12:19,626 -- 00:12:22,379

Ooh, homie, take

your shirt off again.


228

00:12:24,643 -- 00:12:28,742

Oh! There's less of you to love,

But I love you even more!


229

00:12:30,090 -- 00:12:32,392

Aah! What was that?

Your other hand.


230

00:12:51,180 -- 00:12:54,340

Cut! Terrific.

Bring in the next helicopter.


231

00:12:57,052 -- 00:12:59,804

Awesome performance, homer. 

I smell oscar.


232

00:12:59,805 -- 00:13:03,555

Oscar, take a shower,

or a tomato bath or something. Please!


233

00:13:04,426 -- 00:13:06,222

This life is the greatest--


234

00:13:06,223 -- 00:13:09,842

I get paid a fortune,

I've got a closet full of free sneakers and watches,


235

00:13:09,843 -- 00:13:12,279

And I get to hire

my friends.


236

00:13:12,280 -- 00:13:15,216

At least you get to see

my face-- unlike carl.


237

00:13:15,217 -- 00:13:17,776

I'm being paid

to do what I love!


238

00:13:20,407 -- 00:13:24,980

A lot of things come and go in life,

But not fame and fitness.


239

00:13:24,981 -- 00:13:27,587

Homer! Homer sapian,


240

00:13:27,588 -- 00:13:30,078

can I have a word with you?

I know this is a bad time, but


241

00:13:30,079 -- 00:13:32,298

but

I'm leaving for another gig.


242

00:13:32,299 -- 00:13:35,653

Is that all this temporary

job was to you, 


243

00:13:35,654 -- 00:13:39,305

a gig?

Don't take it personally, home team.


244

00:13:39,306 -- 00:13:41,829

But how will I keep

from overeating?


245

00:13:41,830 -- 00:13:43,925

Just remember

what I taught you.


246

00:13:43,926 -- 00:13:46,404

But you taught me the only people

who can stay thin


247

00:13:46,405 -- 00:13:48,524

Are those who can

afford 


248

00:13:48,525 -- 00:13:50,422

$5,000-a-week

nutritional consultants!


249

00:13:50,423 -- 00:13:53,085

I've taught you well. Good-bye.


250

00:13:59,984 -- 00:14:03,269



251

00:14:07,649 -- 00:14:10,238

He's gone.


252

00:14:10,239 -- 00:14:12,449



253

00:14:12,450 -- 00:14:14,919

One cheese cube couldn't hurt.


254

00:14:16,534 -- 00:14:18,944

Ooh! This other cheese cube

stuck to the first one.


255

00:14:18,945 -- 00:14:21,231

Well, that still

technically counts as one.


256

00:14:23,581 -- 00:14:26,835

Mm, it's bad luck to eat an

uneven number of cheese cubes.


257

00:14:37,720 -- 00:14:39,977

Don't look at me!


258

00:14:40,581 -- 00:14:42,627

Don't look at me!


259

00:14:42,628 -- 00:14:44,359

You, you watch.


260

00:14:47,986 -- 00:14:51,632

Avery, I swear, you're the

only man in gothamopolis


261

00:14:51,633 -- 00:14:53,661

Who's never seen everyman.


262

00:14:53,662 -- 00:14:58,001

Well, one thing's

for sure: I'm not everyman.


263

00:15:02,977 -- 00:15:04,076

cut!


264

00:15:04,077 -- 00:15:07,249

This is a disaster.

I'm getting a bad feeling about this film.


265

00:15:07,250 -- 00:15:09,619

The star's overweight,

we're way over budget,


266

00:15:09,620 -- 00:15:11,532

And the grasshopperaptor

we built


267

00:15:11,533 -- 00:15:13,420

Seems to have developed

an evil mind of its own.


268

00:15:27,168 -- 00:15:30,561

Oh, marge, I'm ready

for some lovin'.


269

00:15:30,562 -- 00:15:32,721

Come and get me!


270

00:15:37,111 -- 00:15:40,857

Marge! Speak to me!

I think you may have put on a little weight.


271

00:15:40,858 -- 00:15:42,299

Nag, nag, nag!


272

00:15:44,304 -- 00:15:47,810

Apu, I have to lose weight now.

Do you have anything that'll make me vomit?


273

00:15:47,811 -- 00:15:50,045

Well, I don't know, I...


274

00:15:50,046 -- 00:15:52,574

Might have some milk

that has expired.


275

00:15:54,144 -- 00:15:56,837

Ah, here we are.

A delightful buttermilk 


276

00:15:56,838 -- 00:15:58,411

from 1961.


277

00:15:59,244 -- 00:16:04,132

Oh, '61-- everyone was twisting again 

like they did the previous summer.


278

00:16:04,133 -- 00:16:05,376



279

00:16:08,616 -- 00:16:11,353

Whatever you do,

do not chew the chunks.


280

00:16:12,697 -- 00:16:13,697

Uh-oh.


281

00:16:13,698 -- 00:16:17,056

Cleanup in aisles in three,

Two, one...


282

00:16:20,802 -- 00:16:22,302

And... Action!


283

00:16:24,368 -- 00:16:26,500

Ugh. What?

Cut.


284

00:16:26,501 -- 00:16:28,215

Where's homer?

In his trailer.


285

00:16:28,216 -- 00:16:30,629

He won't come out?

He can't come out.


286

00:16:35,230 -- 00:16:38,783

This film is an embarrassment

of jar-jarrian magnitude!


287

00:16:39,826 -- 00:16:43,132

As the writer, I demand

to express my opinion.


288

00:16:43,133 -- 00:16:44,987

Ooh, I'm afraid that's

not gonna happen.


289

00:16:44,988 -- 00:16:49,766

I see. Well, I respect that...

And vulcan death


290

00:16:49,767 -- 00:16:51,830

Hollywood ponytail yank!


291

00:16:51,831 -- 00:16:53,725



292

00:16:55,483 -- 00:17:00,074

My only sin was believing

in george clooney!


293

00:17:02,713 -- 00:17:06,045



294

00:17:07,227 -- 00:17:08,727

How you doing, man?


295

00:17:11,095 -- 00:17:13,472

Ooh, I think we have

a clunker here.


296

00:17:13,473 -- 00:17:17,259

And I should know-- I produced bad summer movie,

The parody of bad summer movies 


297

00:17:17,260 -- 00:17:19,650

that was itself

a bad summer movie.


298

00:17:19,651 -- 00:17:21,697

Don't worry, we fixed

everything with editing.


299

00:17:21,698 -- 00:17:24,941

Editing solves everything--

except my problems with the irs.


300

00:17:24,942 -- 00:17:26,242

Yeah, how's that going?


301

00:17:37,410 -- 00:17:41,291

Everyman...

Show your-ssself.


302

00:17:42,595 -- 00:17:45,918

I'm right here.

I've been here all along.


303

00:18:03,404 -- 00:18:07,595

Half the shots he's fat, half the shots

he's thin--It's taking me out of the moment.


304

00:18:07,596 -- 00:18:09,632

Like when you're kissing

a girl, and she burps.


305

00:18:09,633 -- 00:18:12,538

Who was in charge

of continuity on this picture?


306

00:18:12,539 -- 00:18:15,846

I tried to show them the

polaroids-- they wouldn't look.


307

00:18:15,847 -- 00:18:17,999

It's your job to get

their attention.


308

00:18:18,000 -- 00:18:20,021

Nobody takes

responsibility anymore.


309

00:18:20,022 -- 00:18:24,622

Well, I-I just wanted to get back 

into the business after I had my kids.


310

00:18:24,623 -- 00:18:27,240

Yeah, well, now those kids have

an embarrassment for a mother.


311

00:18:28,800 -- 00:18:31,984

Home boy.

What happened, dude?


312

00:18:31,985 -- 00:18:34,735

You went from everyman

to everywhereman.


313

00:18:35,417 -- 00:18:38,494

What happened is, you left!

Who did you leave me for?


314

00:18:38,495 -- 00:18:41,376

Tell me--

I can take it.


315

00:18:43,319 -- 00:18:46,366

Okay! It was turtle

from entourage.


316

00:18:46,367 -- 00:18:47,920

I knew it!


317

00:18:50,099 -- 00:18:52,888

Come on, home run.

It's okay, home alone.


318

00:18:53,799 -- 00:18:56,328

Look, I'm sorry.

Let me make this up to you-- 


319

00:18:56,329 -- 00:18:59,212

I'll train you,

Then leave you again, 


320

00:18:59,213 -- 00:19:03,552

then come back and train you.

It's how I make my money.


321

00:19:04,697 -- 00:19:05,776

Just you and me?


322

00:19:05,777 -- 00:19:08,365

You, me and turtle.


323

00:19:08,366 -- 00:19:10,205

That could work.


324

00:19:10,206 -- 00:19:13,872

He is a great guy.

He's an awful guy.


325

00:19:13,873 -- 00:19:16,312

You just said both

those things to me.


326

00:19:16,313 -- 00:19:19,516

I'm sorry.

I'm not sorry.


327

00:19:20,317 -- 00:19:22,565

Look, comic book guy,

about the movie,


328

00:19:22,566 -- 00:19:24,362

We know it's not great.


329

00:19:24,363 -- 00:19:27,159

Yeah, the projectionist

hung himself at the final reel.


330

00:19:27,160 -- 00:19:30,698

But you created everyman--your fans 

will think whatever you tell 'em.


331

00:19:30,699 -- 00:19:32,741

If you put the word out

that this movie is good,


332

00:19:32,742 -- 00:19:34,702

We'll let you direct the sequel.


333

00:19:34,703 -- 00:19:37,360

You would let me direct

Everyman 2: 


334

00:19:37,361 -- 00:19:38,670

Rise of the revenge?


335

00:19:38,671 -- 00:19:42,108

Absolutely! All you have to do

Is tell your army of internet dweebs 


336

00:19:42,109 -- 00:19:44,509

to go see this movie.


337

00:19:44,510 -- 00:19:47,865

Hmm, sell my soul

for hollywood lucre,


338

00:19:47,866 -- 00:19:50,488

Or stay true to my lofty ideals.


339

00:19:50,489 -- 00:19:53,244

Everyman, the motion picture,

Is the combination


340

00:19:53,245 -- 00:19:54,815

of a life-long dream,


341

00:19:54,816 -- 00:19:59,295

And I was one of the few who saw 

that dream realized on screen last night.


342

00:19:59,296 -- 00:20:02,905

If there is one fault to find

with this $200 million production,


343

00:20:02,906 -- 00:20:07,626

It is that this is the worst

movie ever!


344

00:20:07,627 -- 00:20:10,427

And send! And sip.


345

00:20:12,827 -- 00:20:16,306

Though legislation was passed

to ensure everyman was


346

00:20:16,307 -- 00:20:18,103

never seen on screens again


347

00:20:18,104 -- 00:20:21,967

He remains in the hearts

of every man, woman and child


348

00:20:21,968 -- 00:20:25,773

Looking for justice, or just hoping 

to see bad people


349

00:20:25,774 -- 00:20:27,082

beaten up.


350

00:20:27,083 -- 00:20:28,818

I'm so cold.







※이 블로그는 콘텐츠 작성 및 기타 유지 비용을 광고수입으로 사용하고 있습니다.※

광고차단을 해제해주세요 ㅠㅠ 부탁드립니다...

2017년 2월 7일경으로 갑자기 블로그에 있던 애드센스광고가 전면 중지되었습니다.

무슨일인가 이메일 계정을 확인했더니 온거라고는 유투브에서 온 메일 밖에 없었는데요.


---------------------------------------------------

Dear Ilsang

일상에게..


You may have recently closed your AdSense account or received an email from adsense-noreply@google.com about your AdSense application being disapproved. 

당신은 아마도 최근에 에드센스 계정이 닫겼거나 에드센스 관리자로 부터 계정이 사라졌다는 이메일을 받았을 것입니다.


Without a valid AdSense account, you cannot participate in YouTube's monetization programs.

유효한 애드센스 계정이 없으면 당신은 유투브의 파트너 프로그램을 사용할수 없습니다.


---------------------------------------------------


유투브에서 온 메일인데 우선 말씀드리면 저는 애드센스로부터 이메일을 받은적이 없습니다. 벌써 3일째인데 한통의 이메일도 오지 않고 있네요 ;;


구글 애드센스 계정을 확인해보니 역시나 제목에 적어놨듯이 구글 애드센스가 초기화 되어서 다시 심사하는 중입니다.

1차는 무난하게 통과하였고 지금 2차 심사중인데...


---------------------------------------------------


콘텐츠 불충분: 애드센스에서 승인을 받고 귀하의 사이트에 관련 광고를 게재하려면, 웹페이지에 있는 텍스트의 양이 Google 전문가가 검토하고 Google 크롤러가 페이지의 주제를 파악할 수 있을 만큼 충분해야 합니다.

이 문제를 해결하는 방법은 다음과 같습니다.

  • 페이지에 충분한 양의 텍스트가 있는지 확인하세요. 콘텐츠의 대부분이 이미지, 동영상 또는 플래시 애니메이션인 웹사이트는 승인되지 않습니다.
  • 콘텐츠에는 완전한 문장이나 구문이 있어야 하며, 제목만 나열하는 것은 허용되지 않습니다.
  • 애드센스 신청서를 제출하기 전에 귀하의 웹사이트가 제작이 완료되어 게시된 상태인지 확인하세요. 사이트가 베타 테스트 또는 '공사 중' 단계에 있거나 웹사이트 템플릿만으로 구성되어 있다면 신청서를 제출하지 마세요.
  • 웹사이트의 라이브 페이지에 광고 코드를 삽입하세요. 메인 페이지가 아니어도 무방하지만, 애드센스 광고 코드만 삽입되어 있고 다른 콘텐츠가 전혀 없는 테스트 페이지는 승인되지 않습니다.
  • 방문자가 웹사이트의 모든 섹션과 페이지를 쉽게 찾을 수 있도록 분명한 탐색 방법을 제공해야 합니다.
  • YouTube 동영상으로 수익을 창출하려면 YouTube 수익 창출 프로그램에 가입해야 합니다. 동영상만 포함된 블로그와 웹사이트는 승인되지 않습니다.
---------------------------------------------------

제가 듣기로는 2016년을 기준으로 심사기준이 대폭강화되었다는데 저또한 2차심사에서 떨어졌습니다.
원인은 블로그 글이 텍스트 보다 이미지나 동영상이 많다! 입니다.

아무래도 심사 시준 미달인 계정에 한해서 초기화 시켜버리나 봅니다..
지금까지 벌었던 돈은 그대로 있으니 안심하셔도 될 것 같네요.

참고 사항으로 콘텐츠 불충분으로 2차 심사가 떨어진 분들은 사진이나 동영상 올리는걸 자제하고 텍스트 위주로 글을 30개 정도 쓴후 다시 심사에 도전하시면 풀릴것 같습니다.

특히 글을 쓸때는 단어 위주의 방법으로 하지마시고 글을 문장으로 쓰는것이 가장 좋다고 하네요.
그럼 다들 애드센스 계정 초기화에 놀라지 마시고 다시 신청하시면 될것 같습니다.

- 3줄요약 -
2017년 2월 6일 기준으로 강화된 심사기준을 통과하지 못하는 애드센스 계정 운영자들의 계정이 초기화 됐다.
구글 애드센스에서는 아무런 이메일이나 연락을 주지 않는다.

애드센스 계정으로 다시 심사를 받도록 하자.
그동안 애드센스 계정에서 벌었던 광고 수입은 초기화 되지 않았다.







※이 블로그는 콘텐츠 작성 및 기타 유지 비용을 광고수입으로 사용하고 있습니다.※

광고차단을 해제해주세요 ㅠㅠ 부탁드립니다...

창 모드 프로그램의 사이즈를 늘려주는 프로그램 입니다.


sizer333.zip


다운받으신 SIZER 프로그램은 관리자 권한으로 실행시켜주셔야 합니다.



다운 받으신 사이저 프로그램을 실행시키시면 윈도우 오른쪽 하단에 사이저(Sizer)프로그램이 작동 됩니다.

환경설정을 위해 더블클릭하시면 됩니다.


.


사이저 환경설정(Configuration) 입니다.

800x600, 1024 x 768, 640 x 480은 기본 크기 이고 메뉴에 보이는 1680 항목은 제가 직접 넣은것 입니다.


사용하시는 모니터에 맞에 혹은 원하시는 크기에 맞게 설정해주시면 됩니다.

환경설정 왼쪽에서 Description 은 이름, Width 와 Height 는 넓이와 높이 입니다,


넓이와 높이 설정하신후 ADD로 저장하시면 환경설정 끝입니다.



위 사진과 같이 환경설정이 끝난후 프로그램의 사이즈를 키우기 위해서는 프로그램의 메뉴 항목이 있는 상단 오른쪽에서 마우르 오른쪽 클릭하시면

Resize/repostion 항목이 나옵니다. 사용자가 저장한 메뉴를 클릭하시면 사이즈가 변경됩니다.








※이 블로그는 콘텐츠 작성 및 기타 유지 비용을 광고수입으로 사용하고 있습니다.※

광고차단을 해제해주세요 ㅠㅠ 부탁드립니다...







※이 블로그는 콘텐츠 작성 및 기타 유지 비용을 광고수입으로 사용하고 있습니다.※

광고차단을 해제해주세요 ㅠㅠ 부탁드립니다...

FC2 동화 동영상 다운 받는 방법입니다.


먼저 FC동화 에서 다운받기를 원하는 동영상을 선택합니다.

(여기서 대부분이 원하는 동영상이 성인 동영상일거라 생각해 봅니다.....)


원하는 동영상의 URL 주소를 복사해주세요.


http://www.vid-dl.net/apps/fc2.php

위 사이트로 이동하면


다음과 같은 사이트가 나오는데요 먼저 FC 동화의 URL 칸에 복사한 주소를 붙여넣으시고 아래의 버튼을 눌러주세요



버튼을 누르면 두번째칸에 코드가 생성되는데 그 코드를 복사하신후에

아래의 칸에 붙여넣기 하신후 버튼을 눌러주세요.



작업이 완료되면 파란색 링크가 생성되며 링크 클릭시 동영상이 다운받아집니다.

이상 FC2動画 동영상 다운 방법이였습니다 






※이 블로그는 콘텐츠 작성 및 기타 유지 비용을 광고수입으로 사용하고 있습니다.※

광고차단을 해제해주세요 ㅠㅠ 부탁드립니다...



5월 31일날 패치된 갤럭시 S7 엣지 모델에서 일부 기기에 한해서 

터치 오류 및 씹힘 현상이 발견되고 있습니다.


최신버전 펌웨어 PE7 업데이트 이후 터치가 안되시는분들은 가까운 서비스센터에서 

수정 패치 파일 받으시면 터치 현상 고쳐진다고 합니다.


버스 민폐녀

2016. 5. 27. 18:19




※이 블로그는 콘텐츠 작성 및 기타 유지 비용을 광고수입으로 사용하고 있습니다.※

광고차단을 해제해주세요 ㅠㅠ 부탁드립니다...







※이 블로그는 콘텐츠 작성 및 기타 유지 비용을 광고수입으로 사용하고 있습니다.※

광고차단을 해제해주세요 ㅠㅠ 부탁드립니다...


사진 보고 깜짝 놀라서 버락 오바마 대통령 트위터 확인해봤는데 


합성 사진인것 같네요 ㅋㅋ


https://twitter.com/BarackObama


위 트위터 주소가 버락 오바마 트위터 입니다 ㅋㅋ


맥주 먹는 한채아 짤

2016. 5. 27. 17:22




※이 블로그는 콘텐츠 작성 및 기타 유지 비용을 광고수입으로 사용하고 있습니다.※

광고차단을 해제해주세요 ㅠㅠ 부탁드립니다...


한채아 움짤


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