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The Simpsons - 20x01 - Sex Pies and Idiot Scrapes.FQM.en
11
00:01:10,938 -- 00:01:13,885
Milhouse, watch me
make a loser lose it.
12
00:01:15,432 -- 00:01:17,885
Oh, customers,
how I hate them.
13
00:01:17,886 -- 00:01:20,212
Excuse me. I just heard that
before spider-man was a movie,
14
00:01:20,213 -- 00:01:22,770
It was a comic book--
15
00:01:22,771 -- 00:01:23,963
is that possible?
16
00:01:23,964 -- 00:01:25,663
What the...?
17
00:01:25,664 -- 00:01:27,869
suffering steve ditko!
18
00:01:27,870 -- 00:01:30,901
How can you not know
that spider-man
19
00:01:30,902 -- 00:01:33,665
first appeared
in 1962's classic
20
00:01:33,666 -- 00:01:36,118
Amazing fantasy #15?!
21
00:01:37,605 -- 00:01:39,565
Ooh, 12 cents!
22
00:01:39,566 -- 00:01:40,815
I'll take eight.
23
00:01:40,816 -- 00:01:44,799
What the...? You idiot!
Mint condition copies are, like, $40,000 each!
24
00:01:44,800 -- 00:01:49,507
Must lie down
On pile of unsold hulk hands.
25
00:01:49,508 -- 00:01:53,881
Hulk smash.
26
00:01:55,624 -- 00:01:57,927
Huh? What's this?
27
00:01:57,928 -- 00:02:00,593
"everyman"?
He's not a hero
28
00:02:00,594 -- 00:02:03,427
from marvel, dc,
Image or wildstorm.
29
00:02:03,428 -- 00:02:08,553
"it was a typical day
For delivery man avery mann until..."
30
00:02:08,554 -- 00:02:12,093
Help! Bank robbers!
Shut your yap.
31
00:02:13,173 -- 00:02:15,858
Time for this average man
to disappear.
32
00:02:20,312 -- 00:02:23,160
Look at that fat guy--
beatin' it like an egg.
33
00:02:23,161 -- 00:02:25,662
Yeah, he's scramblinin''
like an egg.
34
00:02:27,265 -- 00:02:28,577
Egg.
Egg.
35
00:02:28,578 -- 00:02:30,502
Laugh while you can.
36
00:02:34,692 -- 00:02:37,772
Everyman absorbs the
powers of every superhero
37
00:02:37,773 -- 00:02:39,790
Whose comic book he touches.
38
00:02:42,274 -- 00:02:44,724
Power-absorption power...
Absorb!
39
00:02:44,725 -- 00:02:46,052
40
00:02:53,622 -- 00:02:56,512
It's just a flyin'
fatso-- keep robbin'.
41
00:02:57,926 -- 00:02:59,448
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
42
00:03:02,886 -- 00:03:06,068
put me in sing-sing!
It's safer!
43
00:03:10,890 -- 00:03:12,357
Perfect.
44
00:03:12,358 -- 00:03:14,809
Plastic man powers--
absorb!
45
00:03:19,758 -- 00:03:21,169
Going somewhere?
46
00:03:23,573 -- 00:03:26,599
Everyman will stop
every crime every time.
47
00:03:26,600 -- 00:03:29,488
And I... Am... Everyman.
48
00:03:29,489 -- 00:03:31,903
Put my comic down.
49
00:03:31,904 -- 00:03:34,066
You made this?!
Shut up.
50
00:03:34,067 -- 00:03:37,548
No one is interested in the critical
judgment of a worthless child...
51
00:03:37,549 -- 00:03:39,354
Actually, I like it.
52
00:03:39,355 -- 00:03:42,923
You what now?
Everyman is awesome.
53
00:03:42,924 -- 00:03:45,219
Reading it, I escaped
from my troubles.
54
00:03:45,220 -- 00:03:47,257
Now they're back
in spades.
55
00:03:47,258 -- 00:03:49,225
Have you shown
this to anyone?
56
00:03:49,226 -- 00:03:52,859
No. If copies got out,
It would be ridiculed by the online community--
57
00:03:52,860 -- 00:03:55,155
Sonofsonofspock, thedorkknight,
58
00:03:55,156 -- 00:03:57,318
and ikilledkenny6475.
59
00:03:57,319 -- 00:04:00,315
Don't be afraid of them.
They're just lame-o's like yourself.
60
00:04:00,316 -- 00:04:01,489
Two of them are me.
61
00:04:01,490 -- 00:04:05,918
Very well.
I... Shall... Self-publish.
62
00:04:05,919 -- 00:04:08,898
How many issues
have you written?
63
00:04:08,899 -- 00:04:13,889
Oh, uh, just 335, including
the controversial number 289,
64
00:04:13,890 -- 00:04:16,296
Featuring the death
of marmaduke.
65
00:04:21,172 -- 00:04:23,388
Comic book guy's been
writing these for years.
66
00:04:23,389 -- 00:04:26,300
Who knew a troubled person
could be creative?
67
00:04:26,301 -- 00:04:29,027
Yeah, still waters
run deep.
68
00:04:41,883 -- 00:04:45,856
I'm so rich.
69
00:05:02,602 -- 00:05:05,148
All right, what's our next big
summer franchise? Come on.
70
00:05:05,149 -- 00:05:06,612
You want an original idea?
71
00:05:06,613 -- 00:05:09,251
Yes. Let your imaginations
run free.
72
00:05:09,252 -- 00:05:11,688
Something that's never
been a movie before,
73
00:05:11,689 -- 00:05:12,994
But feels like it has.
74
00:05:12,995 -- 00:05:14,639
Extension cords.
Mixed nuts.
75
00:05:14,640 -- 00:05:15,725
Car keys.
76
00:05:15,726 -- 00:05:19,917
Eh, we've already made everything
That could possibly be a movie into a great movie.
77
00:05:19,918 -- 00:05:21,377
There's nothin' left.
78
00:05:21,378 -- 00:05:22,816
Dad, can we go?
79
00:05:22,817 -- 00:05:25,068
I've watched all the dvds
in the bentley.
80
00:05:25,069 -- 00:05:26,842
Jonah, what's that
in your hand?
81
00:05:26,843 -- 00:05:29,920
Oh, big surprise that you
don't know what this is.
82
00:05:29,921 -- 00:05:33,740
It's only everyman,
the coolest comic book ever.
83
00:05:33,741 -- 00:05:36,019
What are his powers?
All of them.
84
00:05:36,020 -- 00:05:39,603
That's it. Our next big summer movie
will be everyman.
85
00:05:39,604 -- 00:05:41,804
Uh, marv? Ginormous pictures
bought the rights
86
00:05:41,805 -- 00:05:43,779
To everyman
three weeks ago.
87
00:05:43,780 -- 00:05:44,780
Damn it!
88
00:05:44,781 -- 00:05:46,081
89
00:05:46,082 -- 00:05:49,743
We at ginormous pictures
are incredible fans
90
00:05:49,744 -- 00:05:52,975
And think everyman would
make a fantastic movie.
91
00:05:52,976 -- 00:05:55,955
Oh really? The way you thought
"stratego" would make a good movie?
92
00:05:55,956 -- 00:05:57,367
You'd expect us to believe
93
00:05:57,368 -- 00:06:00,256
That a red scout
would date a blue general?
94
00:06:00,257 -- 00:06:01,463
95
00:06:01,464 -- 00:06:02,983
Hey, don't blame us--
96
00:06:02,984 -- 00:06:04,758
brett ratner had final cut.
97
00:06:04,759 -- 00:06:06,727
I'm well aware
of who had what cut.
98
00:06:11,514 -- 00:06:12,860
Let me get to the point:
99
00:06:12,861 -- 00:06:16,815
It is not money I am after, or women--
I know that is impossible.
100
00:06:16,816 -- 00:06:20,651
What I want is to pick the
actor who will play everyman.
101
00:06:20,652 -- 00:06:21,910
No can do.
102
00:06:22,593 -- 00:06:23,781
Thank you.
103
00:06:23,782 -- 00:06:25,960
But we never give...
Thank you.
104
00:06:25,961 -- 00:06:29,852
They'll laugh us out of hollywood.
Thank you.
105
00:06:29,853 -- 00:06:32,459
fine. You got it.
Thank you.
106
00:06:35,967 -- 00:06:37,605
I played hardball
with hollywood.
107
00:06:37,606 -- 00:06:40,782
The closest I will ever come
to playing a sport in my life.
108
00:06:42,149 -- 00:06:46,558
"wherever there's
a crime to be solved,
109
00:06:47,529 -- 00:06:48,827
"I will be there to solve...
...It."
110
00:06:48,828 -- 00:06:52,368
And there's more, but my fax machine
ran out of ink, so I can't read it.
111
00:06:52,369 -- 00:06:55,553
Do you know where you can buy ink
for an amiga brand fax machine?
112
00:06:55,554 -- 00:06:57,615
Thank you, that was great.
113
00:06:57,616 -- 00:06:59,994
You want to see it any other way?
Like sad...
114
00:06:59,995 -- 00:07:03,643
Or brooklyn,
or richard nixon voice?
115
00:07:03,644 -- 00:07:04,693
Pass.
116
00:07:04,694 -- 00:07:07,938
But I already bought a boat
with the money you were gonna pay me.
117
00:07:09,052 -- 00:07:11,508
Come on, comic book guy,
118
00:07:11,509 -- 00:07:14,814
you've gotta pick someone.
We've already read three people.
119
00:07:14,815 -- 00:07:17,752
Don't you latt?sipping
leeches understand?
120
00:07:17,753 -- 00:07:20,651
I've seen enough of these
hollywood super-hunks.
121
00:07:20,652 -- 00:07:23,698
We need a dumpy, unappealing
loser.
122
00:07:23,699 -- 00:07:25,045
-- an everyman
123
00:07:25,864 -- 00:07:28,816
Can you help me out?
I need change for a dollar.
124
00:07:28,817 -- 00:07:30,207
Oh, I also need a dollar.
125
00:07:38,416 -- 00:07:40,066
You... Are...
126
00:07:40,067 -- 00:07:41,182
Acceptable.
127
00:07:41,183 -- 00:07:43,032
Great. Do you want
to see me naked?
128
00:07:43,033 -- 00:07:45,342
Oh, there's no nudity in this movie.
What movie?
129
00:07:47,014 -- 00:07:48,871
Let's go around the table,
and everybody say
130
00:07:48,872 -- 00:07:51,697
One amazing thing that
happened to them today.
131
00:07:51,698 -- 00:07:53,376
Lisa?
Well, I qualified for
132
00:07:53,377 -- 00:07:55,266
the national math bee--
133
00:07:55,267 -- 00:07:57,800
Great. Marge, go.
Guess who the garden club
134
00:07:57,801 -- 00:08:00,366
Elected president?
You? Awesome. Next.
135
00:08:00,367 -- 00:08:02,894
No. I lost.
Eh, they can go to hell. Bart?
136
00:08:02,895 -- 00:08:05,749
Dr. Hibbert found out my thyroid
isn't pumping out enough--
137
00:08:05,750 -- 00:08:08,915
Time's up. Okay, maggie: "suck,
suck"-- that takes us to... Me.
138
00:08:10,249 -- 00:08:12,247
139
00:08:12,248 -- 00:08:15,472
Some hollywood idiots hired
me to star in a movie.
140
00:08:20,431 -- 00:08:22,095
Homer, we have
a problem.
141
00:08:22,096 -- 00:08:25,528
Fine. I'll give back the oscars
I stole from the lobby.
142
00:08:25,529 -- 00:08:27,686
Do you want the golden globe?
No! No...
143
00:08:27,687 -- 00:08:30,604
But we have a bigger problem.
144
00:08:30,605 -- 00:08:33,152
Homer, my brother and I
showed this picture of you
145
00:08:33,153 -- 00:08:35,422
To a cross-section
of typical moviegoers.
146
00:08:35,423 -- 00:08:37,819
Not one thought you
looked like a superhero.
147
00:08:37,820 -- 00:08:41,305
Several people
stared at the sun,
148
00:08:41,306 -- 00:08:44,957
Attempting to blind themselves.
Against every animal instinct they had.
149
00:08:44,958 -- 00:08:47,349
We need you to slim down, muscle
up and become the everyman
150
00:08:47,350 -- 00:08:49,378
People want to be instead
151
00:08:49,379 -- 00:08:51,432
of the one they actually are.
152
00:08:51,433 -- 00:08:53,935
I don't know if I can.
I'm a yo-yo dieter:
153
00:08:53,936 -- 00:08:57,194
"yo, hot dog man.
Yo, peanuts."
154
00:08:57,195 -- 00:08:59,975
Why aren't you laughing?
Don't you know what "yo" means?
155
00:08:59,976 -- 00:09:02,335
Maybe I can help.
156
00:09:03,231 -- 00:09:04,474
Lyle mccarthy.
157
00:09:04,475 -- 00:09:07,726
Finally, the answer
to my problem.
158
00:09:07,727 -- 00:09:10,824
What do you do?
He's the trainer to the stars.
159
00:09:10,825 -- 00:09:14,608
Here's what brad and angelina
looked like before they met me.
160
00:09:15,523 -- 00:09:18,160
They look good with a
little meat on their bones.
161
00:09:18,161 -- 00:09:21,085
Come with me.
Take my hand, homer,
162
00:09:21,086 -- 00:09:23,989
And wave good-bye
to fat you.
163
00:09:23,990 -- 00:09:25,360
Good-bye, fat me.
164
00:09:25,361 -- 00:09:28,500
You sure that guy who created
everyman's gonna like this?
165
00:09:28,501 -- 00:09:30,584
Him? He's gone hollywood.
166
00:09:33,603 -- 00:09:36,074
...A lot of people have come
to this town and changed,
167
00:09:36,075 -- 00:09:37,075
But not me.
168
00:09:38,100 -- 00:09:39,362
Now excuse me,
169
00:09:39,363 -- 00:09:42,664
I have to read a story
To my adopted cambodian orphan.
170
00:09:42,665 -- 00:09:46,194
Nannies, produce
the child and the story.
171
00:09:46,195 -- 00:09:50,040
Hello, prius--
give daddy a kiss.
172
00:09:53,161 -- 00:09:56,189
Homer, do you
know why you eat?
173
00:09:56,190 -- 00:09:59,137
Because I'm swallowing
my frustrations and disappointments?
174
00:09:59,138 -- 00:10:00,583
Something bad happens
175
00:10:00,584 -- 00:10:03,042
and you cope by cramming a donut
in your mouth.
176
00:10:03,043 -- 00:10:05,446
Yeah, well, you don't always
have time to...
177
00:10:05,447 -- 00:10:08,072
I'm gonna teach you
Healthy emotional alternatives
178
00:10:08,073 -- 00:10:09,129
to eating.
179
00:10:09,130 -- 00:10:10,390
We don't have much time,
180
00:10:10,391 -- 00:10:13,454
So we'll do it in a montage to
the song "eye of the tiger."
181
00:10:15,628 -- 00:10:17,340
Oh, that song's
a little on the nose.
182
00:10:17,341 -- 00:10:19,476
Can we do it to
david bowie's "heroes"?
183
00:10:19,477 -- 00:10:20,649
Eh, it's your montage.
184
00:10:28,119 -- 00:10:30,355
Whew... This montage sounds
really exhausting.
185
00:10:30,356 -- 00:10:32,800
How about I just do a
walking around sad montage?
186
00:10:32,801 -- 00:10:33,850
No.
187
00:10:33,851 -- 00:10:37,134
A montage of me turning a ragtag
little league team into state runners-up?
188
00:10:37,135 -- 00:10:39,209
No.
Me using funny modes of transportation
189
00:10:39,210 -- 00:10:42,432
Like a hot air balloon and a camel,
And finally a pickup truck full of chickens?
190
00:10:42,433 -- 00:10:45,229
Then I get out of the truck
and go to thank the driver,
191
00:10:45,230 -- 00:10:47,665
But then I see the driver is a chicken?
Let's just skip ahead a month.
192
00:10:47,666 -- 00:10:49,057
193
00:10:49,058 -- 00:10:50,972
10,001... 10,002...
194
00:10:50,973 -- 00:10:52,971
And... Fit.
195
00:10:57,168 -- 00:10:58,185
I gotta take this.
196
00:10:58,186 -- 00:11:01,079
Tobey! Cider house rules!
197
00:11:01,080 -- 00:11:02,664
Total wuss.
198
00:11:02,665 -- 00:11:05,182
Seabiscuit, you keeping
off the sugar cubes?
199
00:11:05,183 -- 00:11:06,771
I hate this guy.
200
00:11:06,772 -- 00:11:08,261
I love this guy!
201
00:11:08,262 -- 00:11:10,379
Tobe, tobe, tobe,
we talked about this.
202
00:11:10,380 -- 00:11:13,267
If the rice ain't brown,
don't chow down.
203
00:11:13,268 -- 00:11:16,034
Look, I gotta bail--
I'm with everyman right now.
204
00:11:16,035 -- 00:11:17,486
No, no, no, no, no, don't worry.
205
00:11:17,487 -- 00:11:18,823
He totally sucks.
206
00:11:18,824 -- 00:11:20,881
I'm only lying to him.
207
00:11:20,882 -- 00:11:23,229
Good-bye!
Bad-bye.
208
00:11:23,230 -- 00:11:24,850
Was that tobey maguire?
209
00:11:24,851 -- 00:11:26,435
Hey, home town buffet,
210
00:11:26,436 -- 00:11:29,776
like I told john travolta,
my client list is private.
211
00:11:29,777 -- 00:11:31,931
You know what?
Enough chitchat.
212
00:11:31,932 -- 00:11:35,225
Hit the pole!
Stripper up...Fireman down.
213
00:11:35,226 -- 00:11:42,991
And sexy.
Heroic!
214
00:11:42,992 -- 00:11:44,293
Earn that money.
215
00:11:45,378 -- 00:11:46,848
Found this
on the roof.
216
00:11:46,849 -- 00:11:50,355
Well, I think we've seen
the last of the purple pariah.
217
00:11:50,356 -- 00:11:52,937
Thanks, everyman.
Don't thank me.
218
00:11:52,938 -- 00:11:54,629
Thank captain america
219
00:11:54,630 -- 00:11:58,103
For giving me the patriotism
to want to save the president's life.
220
00:11:58,104 -- 00:12:01,255
And thank wonder woman
for giving me the boobs
221
00:12:01,256 -- 00:12:03,175
to distract the guards.
222
00:12:03,176 -- 00:12:04,534
And... Cut.
223
00:12:04,535 -- 00:12:06,866
What'd you think, kids?
That was awesome!
224
00:12:06,867 -- 00:12:09,154
Although there were
a few holes in the story.
225
00:12:09,155 -- 00:12:11,355
That's the problem when
you have 17 writers.
226
00:12:11,356 -- 00:12:14,089
But don't worry, we have
two fresh ones working on it.
227
00:12:19,626 -- 00:12:22,379
Ooh, homie, take
your shirt off again.
228
00:12:24,643 -- 00:12:28,742
Oh! There's less of you to love,
But I love you even more!
229
00:12:30,090 -- 00:12:32,392
Aah! What was that?
Your other hand.
230
00:12:51,180 -- 00:12:54,340
Cut! Terrific.
Bring in the next helicopter.
231
00:12:57,052 -- 00:12:59,804
Awesome performance, homer.
I smell oscar.
232
00:12:59,805 -- 00:13:03,555
Oscar, take a shower,
or a tomato bath or something. Please!
233
00:13:04,426 -- 00:13:06,222
This life is the greatest--
234
00:13:06,223 -- 00:13:09,842
I get paid a fortune,
I've got a closet full of free sneakers and watches,
235
00:13:09,843 -- 00:13:12,279
And I get to hire
my friends.
236
00:13:12,280 -- 00:13:15,216
At least you get to see
my face-- unlike carl.
237
00:13:15,217 -- 00:13:17,776
I'm being paid
to do what I love!
238
00:13:20,407 -- 00:13:24,980
A lot of things come and go in life,
But not fame and fitness.
239
00:13:24,981 -- 00:13:27,587
Homer! Homer sapian,
240
00:13:27,588 -- 00:13:30,078
can I have a word with you?
I know this is a bad time, but
241
00:13:30,079 -- 00:13:32,298
but
I'm leaving for another gig.
242
00:13:32,299 -- 00:13:35,653
Is that all this temporary
job was to you,
243
00:13:35,654 -- 00:13:39,305
a gig?
Don't take it personally, home team.
244
00:13:39,306 -- 00:13:41,829
But how will I keep
from overeating?
245
00:13:41,830 -- 00:13:43,925
Just remember
what I taught you.
246
00:13:43,926 -- 00:13:46,404
But you taught me the only people
who can stay thin
247
00:13:46,405 -- 00:13:48,524
Are those who can
afford
248
00:13:48,525 -- 00:13:50,422
$5,000-a-week
nutritional consultants!
249
00:13:50,423 -- 00:13:53,085
I've taught you well. Good-bye.
250
00:13:59,984 -- 00:14:03,269
251
00:14:07,649 -- 00:14:10,238
He's gone.
252
00:14:10,239 -- 00:14:12,449
253
00:14:12,450 -- 00:14:14,919
One cheese cube couldn't hurt.
254
00:14:16,534 -- 00:14:18,944
Ooh! This other cheese cube
stuck to the first one.
255
00:14:18,945 -- 00:14:21,231
Well, that still
technically counts as one.
256
00:14:23,581 -- 00:14:26,835
Mm, it's bad luck to eat an
uneven number of cheese cubes.
257
00:14:37,720 -- 00:14:39,977
Don't look at me!
258
00:14:40,581 -- 00:14:42,627
Don't look at me!
259
00:14:42,628 -- 00:14:44,359
You, you watch.
260
00:14:47,986 -- 00:14:51,632
Avery, I swear, you're the
only man in gothamopolis
261
00:14:51,633 -- 00:14:53,661
Who's never seen everyman.
262
00:14:53,662 -- 00:14:58,001
Well, one thing's
for sure: I'm not everyman.
263
00:15:02,977 -- 00:15:04,076
cut!
264
00:15:04,077 -- 00:15:07,249
This is a disaster.
I'm getting a bad feeling about this film.
265
00:15:07,250 -- 00:15:09,619
The star's overweight,
we're way over budget,
266
00:15:09,620 -- 00:15:11,532
And the grasshopperaptor
we built
267
00:15:11,533 -- 00:15:13,420
Seems to have developed
an evil mind of its own.
268
00:15:27,168 -- 00:15:30,561
Oh, marge, I'm ready
for some lovin'.
269
00:15:30,562 -- 00:15:32,721
Come and get me!
270
00:15:37,111 -- 00:15:40,857
Marge! Speak to me!
I think you may have put on a little weight.
271
00:15:40,858 -- 00:15:42,299
Nag, nag, nag!
272
00:15:44,304 -- 00:15:47,810
Apu, I have to lose weight now.
Do you have anything that'll make me vomit?
273
00:15:47,811 -- 00:15:50,045
Well, I don't know, I...
274
00:15:50,046 -- 00:15:52,574
Might have some milk
that has expired.
275
00:15:54,144 -- 00:15:56,837
Ah, here we are.
A delightful buttermilk
276
00:15:56,838 -- 00:15:58,411
from 1961.
277
00:15:59,244 -- 00:16:04,132
Oh, '61-- everyone was twisting again
like they did the previous summer.
278
00:16:04,133 -- 00:16:05,376
279
00:16:08,616 -- 00:16:11,353
Whatever you do,
do not chew the chunks.
280
00:16:12,697 -- 00:16:13,697
Uh-oh.
281
00:16:13,698 -- 00:16:17,056
Cleanup in aisles in three,
Two, one...
282
00:16:20,802 -- 00:16:22,302
And... Action!
283
00:16:24,368 -- 00:16:26,500
Ugh. What?
Cut.
284
00:16:26,501 -- 00:16:28,215
Where's homer?
In his trailer.
285
00:16:28,216 -- 00:16:30,629
He won't come out?
He can't come out.
286
00:16:35,230 -- 00:16:38,783
This film is an embarrassment
of jar-jarrian magnitude!
287
00:16:39,826 -- 00:16:43,132
As the writer, I demand
to express my opinion.
288
00:16:43,133 -- 00:16:44,987
Ooh, I'm afraid that's
not gonna happen.
289
00:16:44,988 -- 00:16:49,766
I see. Well, I respect that...
And vulcan death
290
00:16:49,767 -- 00:16:51,830
Hollywood ponytail yank!
291
00:16:51,831 -- 00:16:53,725
292
00:16:55,483 -- 00:17:00,074
My only sin was believing
in george clooney!
293
00:17:02,713 -- 00:17:06,045
294
00:17:07,227 -- 00:17:08,727
How you doing, man?
295
00:17:11,095 -- 00:17:13,472
Ooh, I think we have
a clunker here.
296
00:17:13,473 -- 00:17:17,259
And I should know-- I produced bad summer movie,
The parody of bad summer movies
297
00:17:17,260 -- 00:17:19,650
that was itself
a bad summer movie.
298
00:17:19,651 -- 00:17:21,697
Don't worry, we fixed
everything with editing.
299
00:17:21,698 -- 00:17:24,941
Editing solves everything--
except my problems with the irs.
300
00:17:24,942 -- 00:17:26,242
Yeah, how's that going?
301
00:17:37,410 -- 00:17:41,291
Everyman...
Show your-ssself.
302
00:17:42,595 -- 00:17:45,918
I'm right here.
I've been here all along.
303
00:18:03,404 -- 00:18:07,595
Half the shots he's fat, half the shots
he's thin--It's taking me out of the moment.
304
00:18:07,596 -- 00:18:09,632
Like when you're kissing
a girl, and she burps.
305
00:18:09,633 -- 00:18:12,538
Who was in charge
of continuity on this picture?
306
00:18:12,539 -- 00:18:15,846
I tried to show them the
polaroids-- they wouldn't look.
307
00:18:15,847 -- 00:18:17,999
It's your job to get
their attention.
308
00:18:18,000 -- 00:18:20,021
Nobody takes
responsibility anymore.
309
00:18:20,022 -- 00:18:24,622
Well, I-I just wanted to get back
into the business after I had my kids.
310
00:18:24,623 -- 00:18:27,240
Yeah, well, now those kids have
an embarrassment for a mother.
311
00:18:28,800 -- 00:18:31,984
Home boy.
What happened, dude?
312
00:18:31,985 -- 00:18:34,735
You went from everyman
to everywhereman.
313
00:18:35,417 -- 00:18:38,494
What happened is, you left!
Who did you leave me for?
314
00:18:38,495 -- 00:18:41,376
Tell me--
I can take it.
315
00:18:43,319 -- 00:18:46,366
Okay! It was turtle
from entourage.
316
00:18:46,367 -- 00:18:47,920
I knew it!
317
00:18:50,099 -- 00:18:52,888
Come on, home run.
It's okay, home alone.
318
00:18:53,799 -- 00:18:56,328
Look, I'm sorry.
Let me make this up to you--
319
00:18:56,329 -- 00:18:59,212
I'll train you,
Then leave you again,
320
00:18:59,213 -- 00:19:03,552
then come back and train you.
It's how I make my money.
321
00:19:04,697 -- 00:19:05,776
Just you and me?
322
00:19:05,777 -- 00:19:08,365
You, me and turtle.
323
00:19:08,366 -- 00:19:10,205
That could work.
324
00:19:10,206 -- 00:19:13,872
He is a great guy.
He's an awful guy.
325
00:19:13,873 -- 00:19:16,312
You just said both
those things to me.
326
00:19:16,313 -- 00:19:19,516
I'm sorry.
I'm not sorry.
327
00:19:20,317 -- 00:19:22,565
Look, comic book guy,
about the movie,
328
00:19:22,566 -- 00:19:24,362
We know it's not great.
329
00:19:24,363 -- 00:19:27,159
Yeah, the projectionist
hung himself at the final reel.
330
00:19:27,160 -- 00:19:30,698
But you created everyman--your fans
will think whatever you tell 'em.
331
00:19:30,699 -- 00:19:32,741
If you put the word out
that this movie is good,
332
00:19:32,742 -- 00:19:34,702
We'll let you direct the sequel.
333
00:19:34,703 -- 00:19:37,360
You would let me direct
Everyman 2:
334
00:19:37,361 -- 00:19:38,670
Rise of the revenge?
335
00:19:38,671 -- 00:19:42,108
Absolutely! All you have to do
Is tell your army of internet dweebs
336
00:19:42,109 -- 00:19:44,509
to go see this movie.
337
00:19:44,510 -- 00:19:47,865
Hmm, sell my soul
for hollywood lucre,
338
00:19:47,866 -- 00:19:50,488
Or stay true to my lofty ideals.
339
00:19:50,489 -- 00:19:53,244
Everyman, the motion picture,
Is the combination
340
00:19:53,245 -- 00:19:54,815
of a life-long dream,
341
00:19:54,816 -- 00:19:59,295
And I was one of the few who saw
that dream realized on screen last night.
342
00:19:59,296 -- 00:20:02,905
If there is one fault to find
with this $200 million production,
343
00:20:02,906 -- 00:20:07,626
It is that this is the worst
movie ever!
344
00:20:07,627 -- 00:20:10,427
And send! And sip.
345
00:20:12,827 -- 00:20:16,306
Though legislation was passed
to ensure everyman was
346
00:20:16,307 -- 00:20:18,103
never seen on screens again
347
00:20:18,104 -- 00:20:21,967
He remains in the hearts
of every man, woman and child
348
00:20:21,968 -- 00:20:25,773
Looking for justice, or just hoping
to see bad people
349
00:20:25,774 -- 00:20:27,082
beaten up.
350
00:20:27,083 -- 00:20:28,818
I'm so cold.
