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1
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(yells)
2
00:00:16,384 -- 00:00:18,050
(school bell ringing)
3
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(belches)
4
00:00:21,384 -- 00:00:23,317
(whistle blows)
5
00:00:23,384 -- 00:00:25,317
(yells)
6
00:00:29,651 -- 00:00:30,884
(beeping)
7
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(playing the blues)
8
00:00:39,284 -- 00:00:42,818
(playing the blues)
9
00:00:45,384 -- 00:00:46,983
D'oh!
10
00:00:47,050 -- 00:00:48,083
(tires screeching)
11
00:00:48,150 -- 00:00:49,684
(grunts)
12
00:00:54,751 -- 00:00:58,350
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
up
13
00:01:04,017 -- 00:01:05,851
Up by Feanor56
14
00:01:05,918 -- 00:01:08,250
* Every day she takes
a morning bath *
15
00:01:08,317 -- 00:01:10,484
* She wets her hair *
16
00:01:10,551 -- 00:01:13,751
* Wraps a towel around her
as she's heading *
17
00:01:13,818 -- 00:01:15,350
* For the bedroom chair *
18
00:01:15,417 -- 00:01:18,217
* It's just another day *
19
00:01:18,284 -- 00:01:21,083
* Slipping into stockings,
stepping into shoes *
(gargling)
20
00:01:21,150 -- 00:01:23,918
This will be a good day.
This will be a good day.
21
00:01:23,983 -- 00:01:25,950
This will be a good day.
22
00:01:26,017 -- 00:01:28,517
And five, and six... oh, yeah!
23
00:01:28,584 -- 00:01:30,950
* At the office
where the papers grow... *
24
00:01:31,017 -- 00:01:33,851
Your man is going to love
those sexy new abs.
25
00:01:33,918 -- 00:01:36,184
* Drinks another coffee
and she finds it hard *
26
00:01:36,250 -- 00:01:37,684
* To stay awake *
(groans)
27
00:01:37,751 -- 00:01:39,384
* It's just another day *
28
00:01:42,517 -- 00:01:43,851
* Do-do-do-do do-do-do *
29
00:01:43,918 -- 00:01:45,684
* It's just another day *
30
00:01:45,751 -- 00:01:48,083
* Do-do-do-do do-do *
31
00:01:48,150 -- 00:01:49,918
(singing along):
* It's just another day. *
32
00:01:49,983 -- 00:01:51,551
(laughs)
Check it out.
33
00:01:51,617 -- 00:01:55,017
That crazy lady's singing
a million-year-old song.
34
00:01:58,017 -- 00:02:00,751
(school bell ringing)
35
00:02:00,818 -- 00:02:02,050
(sighs)
36
00:02:02,117 -- 00:02:03,651
Okay, Edna, remember:
37
00:02:03,717 -- 00:02:06,083
if you can teach one kid
one thing,
38
00:02:06,150 -- 00:02:08,117
then today will be a success.
39
00:02:08,184 -- 00:02:11,350
(electronic beeps and blips)
40
00:02:11,417 -- 00:02:13,484
Now, class...
41
00:02:13,551 -- 00:02:15,117
class.
42
00:02:15,184 -- 00:02:17,517
Class, please pay attention!
43
00:02:17,584 -- 00:02:19,751
Text "Uncle".
Text "Uncle".
44
00:02:23,784 -- 00:02:26,751
(ring tones and electronic noise
grow louder)
45
00:02:36,684 -- 00:02:40,484
(cacophonous noise)
46
00:02:40,551 -- 00:02:41,684
You're children.
47
00:02:41,751 -- 00:02:43,818
Why do you all need cell phones?
48
00:02:43,884 -- 00:02:45,384
Safety.
Emergencies.
49
00:02:45,451 -- 00:02:47,117
Safety.
Educational.
50
00:02:47,184 -- 00:02:50,684
(sighs) Could you at least
set them to vibrate?
51
00:02:50,751 -- 00:02:54,284
(loud vibrating)
52
00:02:54,350 -- 00:02:56,017
(vibrating grows louder)
53
00:02:56,083 -- 00:02:58,083
That's it:
everything in the box.
54
00:03:01,217 -- 00:03:03,417
No more gizmos in this class.
55
00:03:03,484 -- 00:03:06,517
They're all going in the drawer
with the biology frogs.
56
00:03:06,584 -- 00:03:08,117
(croaking)
57
00:03:10,317 -- 00:03:11,884
(lock clicking)
58
00:03:11,950 -- 00:03:13,350
(students groaning)
59
00:03:13,417 -- 00:03:15,117
Okay. We'll call your bluff.
60
00:03:15,184 -- 00:03:17,950
Teach us-- using only
the knowledge in your own head.
61
00:03:18,017 -- 00:03:19,818
Hey, don't worry.
62
00:03:19,884 -- 00:03:22,384
We still have the good old
classroom computer.
63
00:03:22,451 -- 00:03:24,950
Who wants to play Word Jammers?
64
00:03:27,784 -- 00:03:31,484
(loudly booting up)
65
00:03:31,551 -- 00:03:34,083
My stroked-out grandfather
has more memory than that thing.
66
00:03:34,150 -- 00:03:35,484
How is he doing?
67
00:03:35,551 -- 00:03:37,184
Better. Thanks.
68
00:03:37,250 -- 00:03:39,651
(muttering angrily)
69
00:03:39,717 -- 00:03:42,317
How could Krabappel
take my cell phone?
70
00:03:42,384 -- 00:03:45,818
I'm only on month one
of a 60-month plan.
71
00:03:45,884 -- 00:03:47,884
You know, Krabappel
just needs to chill out
72
00:03:47,950 -- 00:03:50,117
and realize life is cool--
but how?
73
00:03:50,184 -- 00:03:52,017
(Homer giggling)
74
00:03:56,083 -- 00:03:59,083
(drunkenly):
Okay. Now I'll be the dog,
75
00:03:59,150 -- 00:04:01,217
and you be the daddy.
76
00:04:01,284 -- 00:04:02,484
(barks)
77
00:04:02,551 -- 00:04:05,651
(Santa's Little Helper barking)
78
00:04:07,751 -- 00:04:09,551
Hmm. You know,
79
00:04:09,617 -- 00:04:12,350
my dad is a lot more fun
after a few beers.
80
00:04:12,417 -- 00:04:16,050
Maybe Mrs. K would be nicer
if we "Irish up" her coffee.
81
00:04:16,117 -- 00:04:17,451
Put blood in it?
82
00:04:17,517 -- 00:04:18,884
No, booze.
83
00:04:18,950 -- 00:04:20,117
First the easy part.
84
00:04:20,184 -- 00:04:22,083
Kids, get some liquor.
85
00:04:22,150 -- 00:04:25,684
(Tchaikovsky's "Dance of the
Sugar Plum Fairy" plays)
86
00:04:52,417 -- 00:04:53,717
Hurry! She's almost
done flirting
87
00:04:53,784 -- 00:04:55,617
with the vending
machine guy.
88
00:04:55,684 -- 00:04:57,784
(laughing)
89
00:05:11,717 -- 00:05:13,684
What if she
tastes the booze?
90
00:05:13,751 -- 00:05:15,217
Relax.
91
00:05:15,284 -- 00:05:16,950
Hazelnut creamer
covers all sins.
92
00:05:17,017 -- 00:05:18,317
(slurping)
93
00:05:18,384 -- 00:05:20,684
Ah.
94
00:05:20,751 -- 00:05:22,918
And that's why I found
Good Night, Gorilla
95
00:05:22,983 -- 00:05:25,050
to be the perfect
summer beach read.
96
00:05:25,117 -- 00:05:27,651
Two stars for you.
97
00:05:27,717 -- 00:05:29,317
And an extra,
98
00:05:29,384 -- 00:05:33,083
'cause you're going
to have a hard life.
99
00:05:33,150 -- 00:05:35,517
* This old man, he played one *
100
00:05:35,584 -- 00:05:38,818
* He played knickknack
on my (hiccups) thumb. *
101
00:05:47,217 -- 00:05:49,017
You look tired.
102
00:05:49,083 -- 00:05:51,950
Maybe you need some more coffee.
103
00:05:53,851 -- 00:05:55,451
Ah.
104
00:05:57,117 -- 00:06:01,117
(giggling drunkenly)
105
00:06:01,184 -- 00:06:02,384
Dizzy.
106
00:06:02,451 -- 00:06:04,717
(students giggling)
107
00:06:08,350 -- 00:06:10,950
* You'll be going
back to Denmark *
108
00:06:11,017 -- 00:06:13,250
* Spain and Uruguay *
109
00:06:13,317 -- 00:06:16,250
* And we promise
that we'll write you *
110
00:06:16,317 -- 00:06:18,517
* But you know
that that's a lie *
111
00:06:18,584 -- 00:06:21,918
Hey! You know why
they call it a choir.
112
00:06:21,983 -- 00:06:25,884
Because "choir" we
listening to this crap?
113
00:06:25,950 -- 00:06:28,350
(grunts) These pantyhose
are all twisted up.
114
00:06:28,417 -- 00:06:31,083
Edna, please! Even the union
can't protect you from this.
115
00:06:36,050 -- 00:06:37,818
Give me one
night, Dewey.
116
00:06:37,884 -- 00:06:39,818
I'll get you
off Broadway.
117
00:06:39,884 -- 00:06:41,684
Never!
Edna, let's go.
118
00:06:43,350 -- 00:06:44,717
Uh-oh.
119
00:06:44,784 -- 00:06:46,983
Do you think
we went too far?
Nah.
120
00:06:47,050 -- 00:06:50,350
Booze only makes you do things
you already wanted to do.
121
00:06:50,417 -- 00:06:53,017
I'm queen of the world!
122
00:06:53,083 -- 00:06:54,250
Oh!
(crashing)
123
00:06:54,317 -- 00:06:55,417
(Krabappel groans)
124
00:07:02,751 -- 00:07:03,617
I'm so sorry.
125
00:07:03,684 -- 00:07:05,284
I really don't know
what happened.
126
00:07:05,350 -- 00:07:07,884
You made quite a nanny goat
of yourself yesterday.
127
00:07:07,950 -- 00:07:10,684
I know I did,
but I don't know why.
128
00:07:10,751 -- 00:07:12,884
(sighs) This is the hardest
thing I've ever had to do,
129
00:07:12,950 -- 00:07:14,184
but I'm letting you go.
130
00:07:15,517 -- 00:07:16,918
Seymour...
131
00:07:16,983 -- 00:07:18,684
I'm going to cry.
132
00:07:19,818 -- 00:07:22,784
Here. Take my hanky.
133
00:07:22,851 -- 00:07:26,350
I'm working on my magic act
for the Faculty Follies.
134
00:07:26,417 -- 00:07:30,083
But right now,
I don't feel much like follying.
135
00:07:30,150 -- 00:07:32,451
Could I have a moment alone?
136
00:07:32,517 -- 00:07:33,717
Of course.
137
00:07:37,651 -- 00:07:40,184
There's a form to extend your
health insurance on my desk.
138
00:07:44,451 -- 00:07:46,851
I never wanted
her to get fired.
139
00:07:46,918 -- 00:07:49,684
I bet it was that hamster
medicine we added
140
00:07:49,751 -- 00:07:51,217
that put her
over the edge.
141
00:07:51,284 -- 00:07:54,083
Maybe I should tell Skinner
that it was our...
142
00:07:54,150 -- 00:07:55,983
Needle scratch!
143
00:07:56,050 -- 00:07:57,918
My name is Zachary Vaughn.
144
00:07:57,983 -- 00:08:00,584
I just got my masters
in education
145
00:08:00,651 -- 00:08:03,584
from Tufts University,
and you are my first class ever.
146
00:08:03,651 -- 00:08:05,517
An M.E.D. from Tufts?
147
00:08:05,584 -- 00:08:06,851
Nice.
148
00:08:06,918 -- 00:08:09,684
But why talk when I could text?
149
00:08:11,517 -- 00:08:13,117
Our cell phones!
Our Blueteeth!
150
00:08:13,184 -- 00:08:14,751
My tip calculator!
151
00:08:17,551 -- 00:08:19,417
(electronic tones sounding)
152
00:08:20,918 -- 00:08:22,484
STUDENTS:
Whoa!
153
00:08:22,551 -- 00:08:24,684
That text was totally worth
154
00:08:24,751 -- 00:08:27,884
the 15 cents it cost
to receive it.
155
00:08:27,950 -- 00:08:29,050
BART:
Then, Zach Skyped us,
156
00:08:29,117 -- 00:08:30,451
live-blogged our
spelling bee
157
00:08:30,517 -- 00:08:32,217
and friended us
on Facebook.
158
00:08:32,284 -- 00:08:35,184
I thought you were studying
the Lincoln-Douglas debates.
159
00:08:35,250 -- 00:08:37,217
You mean the L Man/D Dog
flame wars.
160
00:08:37,284 -- 00:08:39,117
(groans)
161
00:08:39,184 -- 00:08:41,217
I'm glad you've got
such a stimulating substitute,
162
00:08:41,284 -- 00:08:43,284
but I'm worried
about Mrs. Krabappel.
163
00:08:43,350 -- 00:08:45,050
Oh, no worries.
164
00:08:45,117 -- 00:08:47,484
I heard on the four-square
court she's doing great.
165
00:08:47,551 -- 00:08:49,617
No one even plays
four-square anymore.
166
00:08:49,684 -- 00:08:50,950
They just gossip.
167
00:08:53,684 -- 00:08:55,417
Ah...
168
00:08:57,184 -- 00:08:58,617
All right.
169
00:08:58,684 -- 00:09:01,317
Who can tell me
what the Monroe Doctrine was?
170
00:09:01,384 -- 00:09:03,050
Oh, oh!
171
00:09:03,117 -- 00:09:04,851
The policy of President Monroe
that America
172
00:09:04,918 -- 00:09:07,184
has the right as a nation to...
Wait, wait, wait.
173
00:09:07,250 -- 00:09:09,317
Are you telling me
you memorized that fact
174
00:09:09,384 -- 00:09:12,417
when anyone with a cell phone
can find it out in 30 seconds?
175
00:09:12,484 -- 00:09:14,050
I-I...
176
00:09:14,117 -- 00:09:17,150
I've crammed my head
full of garbage!
177
00:09:17,217 -- 00:09:18,918
Yes, you have.
178
00:09:20,017 -- 00:09:21,150
What are these?
179
00:09:21,217 -- 00:09:22,784
Those are smiley stickers.
180
00:09:22,851 -- 00:09:25,150
Mrs. Krabappel used to put them
on our papers
181
00:09:25,217 -- 00:09:26,751
as a reward for good work.
182
00:09:26,818 -- 00:09:28,317
I run a paperless classroom.
183
00:09:28,384 -- 00:09:29,784
Check this out.
184
00:09:29,851 -- 00:09:34,284
But this is just
nonsense punctuation.
185
00:09:36,284 -- 00:09:37,884
Oh, my God!
186
00:09:37,950 -- 00:09:40,484
Anybody want to return
these caveman kudos
187
00:09:40,551 -- 00:09:42,150
to Mrs. Krabappel?
188
00:09:42,217 -- 00:09:44,350
Uh, sure.
It's sort of on my way home.
189
00:09:44,417 -- 00:09:46,284
I can check up on the old girl.
190
00:09:46,350 -- 00:09:49,851
She probably landed a job at
some fancy-schmancy prep school.
191
00:09:52,350 -- 00:09:54,250
Make way for the new freshman.
192
00:09:54,317 -- 00:09:57,217
Where do I find the books,
the booze and the broads?
193
00:09:58,818 -- 00:10:00,818
Hey, Dean, how about
a little privacy?
194
00:10:00,884 -- 00:10:02,684
I've got to matriculate.
195
00:10:02,751 -- 00:10:03,983
(laughs halfheartedly)
196
00:10:04,050 -- 00:10:05,417
(doorbell rings)
Door's broken.
197
00:10:05,484 -- 00:10:08,150
Mrs. K, is everything
all right?
198
00:10:08,217 -- 00:10:09,684
Sure. (coughs)
199
00:10:09,751 -- 00:10:11,417
Never better.
200
00:10:11,484 -- 00:10:13,751
(hacking)
201
00:10:13,818 -- 00:10:15,384
I know, Bart.
202
00:10:15,451 -- 00:10:18,851
It's pretty sad to see
your teacher fallen so low.
203
00:10:18,918 -- 00:10:20,751
(laughing)
204
00:10:20,818 -- 00:10:23,484
It's the movie.
It's so funny.
205
00:10:26,217 -- 00:10:29,050
Sir, this is a benefit to
increase our endowment.
206
00:10:29,117 -- 00:10:31,184
Honey, if we increase
your endowment any more,
207
00:10:31,250 -- 00:10:32,684
we'll all be in the shade.
208
00:10:32,751 -- 00:10:34,184
Hey, you're all right.
209
00:10:35,551 -- 00:10:37,517
Hey, everyone,
dessert's on me.
210
00:10:37,584 -- 00:10:38,851
(chuckles)
211
00:10:38,918 -- 00:10:40,451
(laughing)
212
00:10:41,452 -- 00:10:42,452
Sorry, sorry.
213
00:10:50,067 -- 00:10:52,401
Thanks for bringing over
the smiley stickers, Bart.
214
00:10:52,401 -- 00:10:53,801
They really liven
the place the up
215
00:10:53,868 -- 00:10:56,167
Mrs. K, you've got
to get out of here.
216
00:10:56,234 -- 00:10:57,933
When was the last time
you washed your hair?
217
00:10:58,000 -- 00:10:59,768
Hmm. Two weeks ago?
218
00:10:59,834 -- 00:11:01,300
Well, that's better than me,
219
00:11:01,367 -- 00:11:03,100
but still,
you've got to get out.
220
00:11:03,167 -- 00:11:04,501
What's the point?
221
00:11:04,567 -- 00:11:06,267
Out of work, I'm out of money.
222
00:11:06,334 -- 00:11:07,900
No man wants me,
except Disco Stu.
223
00:11:07,967 -- 00:11:10,933
Stu is about more
than just disco.
224
00:11:11,000 -- 00:11:12,601
I'm also-- ha! --
225
00:11:12,667 -- 00:11:14,634
super Christian!
226
00:11:16,768 -- 00:11:18,701
Okay, look, there's a big
football game on tonight,
227
00:11:18,768 -- 00:11:20,567
so we can get this thing
over real quick.
228
00:11:20,634 -- 00:11:23,167
Show me some of Bart's artwork,
give me a little false hope,
229
00:11:23,234 -- 00:11:26,167
and here's a little something
to help with his grades.
230
00:11:26,234 -- 00:11:28,868
I'm not asking for A's,
just incompletes.
231
00:11:28,967 -- 00:11:30,933
Mr. Simpson, I don't
need your money.
232
00:11:31,000 -- 00:11:32,834
Bart can definitely be
a challenge,
233
00:11:32,900 -- 00:11:34,734
but, yeah, I like challenges,
and he...
234
00:11:34,801 -- 00:11:36,401
(laughing):
...he's got a wild sense
of humor.
235
00:11:36,467 -- 00:11:37,834
Look at this picture he drew.
236
00:11:37,900 -- 00:11:39,167
(laughs)
237
00:11:39,234 -- 00:11:40,701
It will be his last birthday
238
00:11:40,768 -- 00:11:42,401
if he keeps drawing pictures
like this.
239
00:11:42,467 -- 00:11:44,334
What?
I said,
are there any areas
240
00:11:44,401 -- 00:11:46,734
that we, his parents,
can improve upon?
241
00:11:46,801 -- 00:11:49,667
Yes. Just one: relax.
242
00:11:49,734 -- 00:11:51,467
You're clearly
a caring father.
243
00:11:53,567 -- 00:11:55,100
(crying)
244
00:11:55,167 -- 00:11:57,667
You're the first teacher
that ever got me.
245
00:11:57,734 -- 00:11:59,200
(crying)
246
00:11:59,267 -- 00:12:01,667
Let it out. Let it out.
247
00:12:01,734 -- 00:12:04,701
(sobbing)
248
00:12:04,768 -- 00:12:07,134
(loud sobbing)
249
00:12:09,401 -- 00:12:11,701
(very loud sobbing)
250
00:12:13,134 -- 00:12:15,467
Keep it in. Keep it in.
251
00:12:15,534 -- 00:12:18,300
(very loud sobbing)
252
00:12:20,467 -- 00:12:23,367
Two hot chocolates
with hot fudge boost.
253
00:12:23,434 -- 00:12:24,734
Milhouse... (sighs)
254
00:12:24,801 -- 00:12:26,367
...we ruined Edna's life.
255
00:12:26,434 -- 00:12:28,067
Maybe we can get her job back.
256
00:12:28,134 -- 00:12:29,667
But we can't lose Zack.
257
00:12:29,734 -- 00:12:32,601
Look at the awesome video
he just e-mailed me.
258
00:12:32,667 -- 00:12:36,501
Check out the multiples
of seven, y'all.
259
00:12:36,567 -- 00:12:38,900
* *
260
00:12:42,834 -- 00:12:45,634
There's got to be
some other way to help Mrs. K.
261
00:12:45,701 -- 00:12:47,768
Maybe we can find an
answer in this bookstore.
262
00:12:47,834 -- 00:12:49,267
Bookstores don't have answers.
263
00:12:49,334 -- 00:12:51,434
They just have creepy guys
sitting in easy chairs
264
00:12:51,501 -- 00:12:53,200
at the end of aisle ways.
265
00:12:53,267 -- 00:12:55,768
I ain't paid for Doris
Kearns Goodwin in my life,
266
00:12:55,834 -- 00:12:57,801
and I ain't gonna start now.
267
00:12:57,868 -- 00:12:59,967
Oh, that's some good
Doris there.
268
00:13:00,033 -- 00:13:01,501
You're right.
269
00:13:01,567 -- 00:13:03,501
I guess no one's
ever written a book
270
00:13:03,567 -- 00:13:05,801
to help a middle-aged
woman turn her life around.
271
00:13:05,868 -- 00:13:10,134
Excuse me. I believe you boys
are looking for... The Answer.
272
00:13:10,200 -- 00:13:11,801
What's The Answer?
273
00:13:11,868 -- 00:13:16,868
Only the best-selling book,
slash, DVD since the bible.
274
00:13:16,933 -- 00:13:18,933
WOMAN (with Australian accent):
My life was over.
275
00:13:19,000 -- 00:13:21,900
I'd lost my job,
my husband left me.
276
00:13:21,967 -- 00:13:24,567
I had to sleep
in a kangaroo's pouch.
277
00:13:24,634 -- 00:13:27,534
And then I found...
The Answer.
278
00:13:27,601 -- 00:13:29,933
("O Fortuna" from Carmina Burana
plays)
279
00:13:30,000 -- 00:13:32,634
The Answer was discovered
280
00:13:32,701 -- 00:13:35,067
by the philosophers
of ancient Greece, who hid it
281
00:13:35,134 -- 00:13:37,601
under a rock where it was
discovered by the knights
282
00:13:37,667 -- 00:13:39,434
of King Arthur,
who placed it in a bottle
283
00:13:39,501 -- 00:13:41,534
and set it in the ocean,
284
00:13:41,601 -- 00:13:43,967
where it was found
by Pat Sajak.
285
00:13:46,701 -- 00:13:49,234
These great men
knew The Answer.
286
00:13:55,334 -- 00:13:59,167
The Answer is the secret to
achieving your heart's desire.
287
00:13:59,234 -- 00:14:01,933
Learn The Answer,
and change your life.
288
00:14:02,000 -- 00:14:03,567
ANNOUNCER:
Available wherever dubious,
289
00:14:03,634 -- 00:14:05,834
quasi-scientific
self-help books are sold.
290
00:14:09,634 -- 00:14:11,100
So, um, you're wearing
the same bathrobe
291
00:14:11,167 -- 00:14:13,000
you were the last
time I was here, huh?
292
00:14:13,067 -- 00:14:14,467
That's cool.
293
00:14:14,534 -- 00:14:16,100
Bart, you're a good kid.
294
00:14:16,167 -- 00:14:17,667
You're the only one
who came to see me.
295
00:14:17,734 -- 00:14:19,467
Well, Mrs. K,
296
00:14:19,534 -- 00:14:22,067
I have just the book, slash, DVD
for you-- The Answer.
297
00:14:22,134 -- 00:14:24,534
"This book uses
the ancient power of wanting."
298
00:14:24,601 -- 00:14:26,401
That makes absolutely no sense.
299
00:14:26,467 -- 00:14:28,967
Hey. "Just because
we don't understand electricity,
300
00:14:29,033 -- 00:14:31,334
doesn't mean we can't enjoy
its benefits."
301
00:14:31,401 -- 00:14:33,167
But we do
understand electricity.
302
00:14:33,234 -- 00:14:35,701
Every positively charged
nucleus is...
303
00:14:35,768 -- 00:14:37,667
Cut it out.
You're not a teacher anymore.
304
00:14:37,734 -- 00:14:39,234
Way to cheer me up, kid.
305
00:14:39,300 -- 00:14:40,634
(coughing)
306
00:14:40,701 -- 00:14:42,768
Look, Mrs. K, I'm a Simpson,
307
00:14:42,834 -- 00:14:44,334
and a Simpson
never gives up
308
00:14:44,401 -- 00:14:46,367
until he's tried at
least one easy thing.
309
00:14:46,434 -- 00:14:47,868
Let me help you.
310
00:14:47,933 -- 00:14:49,501
Aw.
311
00:14:51,000 -- 00:14:52,801
So, did you write
your dream on the...
312
00:14:52,868 -- 00:14:55,401
"index card of fate"?
313
00:14:55,467 -- 00:14:57,768
Yes, but it still seems...
314
00:14:57,834 -- 00:15:01,100
stupid.
315
00:15:01,167 -- 00:15:03,734
reading:
316
00:15:03,801 -- 00:15:05,267
Great idea!
317
00:15:05,334 -- 00:15:06,868
Now, let's see.
318
00:15:06,933 -- 00:15:09,200
"Break your dream down
into smaller wishes,
319
00:15:09,267 -- 00:15:12,000
then break those down
into wish-able actions."
320
00:15:12,067 -- 00:15:13,967
Bart, this is starting to sound
321
00:15:14,033 -- 00:15:16,134
like one of those loony
self-help books.
322
00:15:16,200 -- 00:15:19,100
Loony? Would a loony self-help
book come with a magic
323
00:15:19,167 -- 00:15:20,900
question mark inside?
324
00:15:20,967 -- 00:15:22,367
Huh? Huh? Huh?
325
00:15:24,900 -- 00:15:27,768
All thanks to The Answer!
326
00:15:27,834 -- 00:15:29,567
Well, opening this store
was a lot of work,
327
00:15:29,634 -- 00:15:31,267
but your faith in me
got me through it.
328
00:15:31,334 -- 00:15:33,033
And it looks like
329
00:15:33,100 -- 00:15:34,534
you got your own
index card of fate.
330
00:15:34,601 -- 00:15:37,200
What's your dream?
Nothing, nothing.
331
00:15:37,267 -- 00:15:39,534
Well, I'm sure
it'll come true.
332
00:15:45,401 -- 00:15:47,768
(humming)
333
00:15:47,834 -- 00:15:49,768
One cran-bran
for the Flan-man.
334
00:15:49,834 -- 00:15:51,501
My pleasure.
335
00:15:51,567 -- 00:15:52,900
What did he want?
336
00:15:52,967 -- 00:15:54,401
Beats me.
337
00:15:54,467 -- 00:15:56,100
I just gave him a banana.
338
00:15:56,200 -- 00:15:57,900
Well, thanks again, Bart.
339
00:15:57,967 -- 00:16:00,601
This store has definitely
turned my life around.
340
00:16:00,667 -- 00:16:02,768
Yup. I'm off the hook now.
341
00:16:02,834 -- 00:16:04,234
What do you mean by that?
342
00:16:04,300 -- 00:16:06,134
Well, I guess I can tell you,
343
00:16:06,200 -- 00:16:08,933
'cause everything worked out
for the best.
344
00:16:09,000 -- 00:16:11,601
Everything? What everything?
345
00:16:11,667 -- 00:16:13,000
(laughs)
346
00:16:13,067 -- 00:16:14,634
Well, it's funny, really.
347
00:16:14,701 -- 00:16:16,701
I'm the one
who put booze in your coffee
348
00:16:16,768 -- 00:16:18,567
and got you fired.
349
00:16:18,634 -- 00:16:19,900
(laughs)
350
00:16:19,967 -- 00:16:21,567
You did what?!
351
00:16:21,634 -- 00:16:23,868
Please don't kill me.
352
00:16:26,034 -- 00:16:28,034
You ruined my life!
353
00:16:28,101 -- 00:16:30,600
It's your fault I have to work
at this stupid muffin store.
354
00:16:30,667 -- 00:16:32,134
But this place
was your dream!
355
00:16:32,200 -- 00:16:34,168
My real dream was
to be a teacher,
356
00:16:34,233 -- 00:16:36,233
and you got me fired!
357
00:16:36,300 -- 00:16:39,400
Now I'm up to my eyeballs
in debt with this stupid store,
358
00:16:39,467 -- 00:16:42,600
and four more muffin stores
just opened on this block!
359
00:16:49,767 -- 00:16:52,101
No!
360
00:16:52,168 -- 00:16:54,667
But-But-But you found
The Answer!
361
00:16:56,068 -- 00:16:58,834
No! I wrote a phone number
in there!
362
00:16:58,901 -- 00:17:01,801
No matter what you've done,
I always thought
363
00:17:01,867 -- 00:17:04,168
there was a spark of decency
in you, Bart Simpson,
364
00:17:04,233 -- 00:17:05,634
but I was wrong.
365
00:17:05,701 -- 00:17:08,034
I never thought
I'd say this to a child,
366
00:17:08,101 -- 00:17:11,734
but you are bad
on the inside.
367
00:17:11,801 -- 00:17:12,934
(gasps)
368
00:17:14,667 -- 00:17:15,767
(humming)
369
00:17:15,834 -- 00:17:18,767
Dad, am I bad on the inside?
370
00:17:18,834 -- 00:17:22,034
No... but the layers of bad
on your surface
371
00:17:22,101 -- 00:17:23,701
go almost all the way
to the center.
372
00:17:23,767 -- 00:17:27,200
But you think there's, like, a
kernel of good inside me, right?
373
00:17:27,267 -- 00:17:28,701
Hmm. I don't know.
374
00:17:28,767 -- 00:17:30,467
Kernels are kind of big.
375
00:17:30,534 -- 00:17:32,934
Oh! Listen, I was thinking.
376
00:17:35,534 -- 00:17:38,001
If someone did a really
bad thing to one teacher,
377
00:17:38,068 -- 00:17:40,567
and then did the same bad
thing to another teacher
378
00:17:40,634 -- 00:17:43,834
to get the first teacher her
job back, would it be okay?
379
00:17:43,901 -- 00:17:46,434
When you sayteacher,
do you really meanparent?
380
00:17:46,500 -- 00:17:48,267
No, I mean teacher.
381
00:17:48,333 -- 00:17:49,834
Great. Go nuts.
382
00:17:49,901 -- 00:17:52,168
But remember, we never
had this discussion.
383
00:17:52,233 -- 00:17:53,634
What discussion?
384
00:17:53,701 -- 00:17:55,168
The one we just had
385
00:17:55,233 -- 00:17:57,600
about you doing bad things,
you stupid kid!
386
00:17:57,667 -- 00:18:00,300
Oh.
387
00:18:25,001 -- 00:18:27,134
So, you see,
it was my fault.
388
00:18:27,200 -- 00:18:28,701
I got Mrs. Krabappel drunk.
389
00:18:28,767 -- 00:18:30,767
Then I was gonna do
the same thing to Zack,
390
00:18:30,834 -- 00:18:33,101
but I decided it was better
to just tell the truth.
391
00:18:33,168 -- 00:18:37,001
Bart, you deserve a reward
for telling the truth.
392
00:18:37,068 -- 00:18:39,901
And that reward will be in
the form of a severe punishment.
393
00:18:39,967 -- 00:18:42,734
Doesn't matter, as long
as Edna gets her job back.
394
00:18:42,801 -- 00:18:45,300
Sorry, Bart, but I can't just
get rid of a teacher
395
00:18:45,367 -- 00:18:46,767
if he's doing a good job.
396
00:18:46,834 -- 00:18:48,367
Or an adequate job.
397
00:18:48,434 -- 00:18:50,434
Or just shows up
and doesn't touch anyone.
398
00:18:50,500 -- 00:18:52,400
ZACK (chanting):
I hate children!
399
00:18:52,467 -- 00:18:54,233
I hate children!
400
00:18:54,300 -- 00:18:57,200
Children suck!
Children suck!
401
00:18:57,267 -- 00:19:01,834
What the...? Faculty lounge talk
out in the halls?!
402
00:19:01,901 -- 00:19:05,168
I hate children!
I hate children!
403
00:19:05,233 -- 00:19:07,600
You and you and you
and you and you!
404
00:19:07,667 -- 00:19:09,634
(slurring his speech):
You are wasting your lives.
405
00:19:09,701 -- 00:19:11,600
Hilary Swank didn't graduate
high school.
406
00:19:11,667 -- 00:19:13,233
She won two Oscars.
407
00:19:13,300 -- 00:19:16,400
And one of them she deserved.
408
00:19:16,467 -- 00:19:18,068
Bart, you said you
didn't get him drunk.
409
00:19:18,134 -- 00:19:19,834
I didn't. I swear!
410
00:19:19,901 -- 00:19:21,434
No, he's right.
411
00:19:21,500 -- 00:19:24,134
I mixed a little vodka
in with my Blue Bronco.
412
00:19:24,200 -- 00:19:28,200
Does anybody else want
to ride the indigo pony!
413
00:19:28,267 -- 00:19:29,967
Is there extra credit in it?
414
00:19:30,034 -- 00:19:33,168
Oh, they're gonna eat you alive
at Cal Tech, boy.
415
00:19:33,233 -- 00:19:35,134
Alive!
416
00:19:35,200 -- 00:19:36,567
(laughs)
Oh!
417
00:19:36,634 -- 00:19:38,300
Oh, yeah!
418
00:19:38,367 -- 00:19:40,168
* This place is a prison! *
419
00:19:40,233 -- 00:19:41,767
* Dow, dow *
420
00:19:41,834 -- 00:19:43,600
* All you kids are screwed! *
421
00:19:43,667 -- 00:19:45,168
* Dow, dow *
422
00:19:45,233 -- 00:19:46,767
* Kids and vodka! *
423
00:19:46,834 -- 00:19:48,300
Yeow!
424
00:19:48,367 -- 00:19:50,567
(laughing)
425
00:19:50,634 -- 00:19:53,168
It's always the good ones
that go crazy the fastest.
426
00:19:53,267 -- 00:19:55,034
Get off me!
427
00:19:55,101 -- 00:19:57,801
You can get rid of me, but you
can't get rid of the truth, man!
428
00:19:57,867 -- 00:20:00,034
This school is
a glorified hamster wheel
429
00:20:00,101 -- 00:20:02,168
run by incompetent bureaucrats
430
00:20:02,233 -- 00:20:03,901
who can get you
through a test,
431
00:20:03,967 -- 00:20:05,867
but you will fail
the test of life!
432
00:20:05,934 -- 00:20:08,467
Children, fingers in your ears
and make the la-la sound.
433
00:20:08,534 -- 00:20:10,901
* La-la, la-la,
la-la, la-la... *
Every class is a joke.
434
00:20:10,967 -- 00:20:12,767
English-- a joke,
homeroom-- a joke.
435
00:20:12,834 -- 00:20:14,634
Free period-- a joke.
436
00:20:14,701 -- 00:20:16,467
Nutritious
lunch-- a joke!
437
00:20:16,534 -- 00:20:18,567
Only alcohol can
make life bearable.
438
00:20:18,634 -- 00:20:21,101
You must drink!
Always drink!
439
00:20:24,500 -- 00:20:27,434
Well, class, I've got
to say I'm glad to be back.
440
00:20:27,500 -- 00:20:29,834
And there's no
hard feelings?
Nope.
441
00:20:29,901 -- 00:20:32,400
Now, everyone enjoy one
of my yummy muffins.
442
00:20:34,168 -- 00:20:36,734
But it's stale.
Eat the muffin.
443
00:20:42,500 -- 00:20:45,934
WOMAN:
A simple schoolteacher
444
00:20:46,001 -- 00:20:49,168
found fulfillment
and muffin-based revenge
445
00:20:49,233 -- 00:20:52,001
all thanks to... The Answer.
446
00:20:52,068 -- 00:20:55,134
("O Fortuna" from Carmina Burana
plays)